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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?[/quote]

OP here--- I think you may have hit on the bigger issue which DH did not bring up to me.  You're right.  Dec 25th is not a special family day in our house.  DH has always gone into the office.  I spend the morning writing my employee evaluations that are due Dec 31st.  The kids get up when they get up, have some cereal, and watch tv until I'm done.  Then we go to the JCC for some pool time.  In the late afternoon, we do some sort of community service project with the JCC.  Of course, my SD is welcome to attend any and all of the events that we do--but somehow, I don't think that's what she has in mind for Christmas day.  I typically make spaghetti for dinner or if I was on the ball that week, I might have picked up a rotisserie chicken.   I get that Christmas is a family holiday.  But even with a tree, I'm not sure I can make the house feel like Christmas.

I know a lot of jewish people on this thread are advocating no tree--but it is her home.  As I've read this thread over the past few days, I've realized it's the size of the tree that is bothering me.  The small tree that someone posted a picture of would be lovely.  In judiasm, we just don't have any large overt symbols like the Christmas tree.  The menorah fits on my windowsill.  The mezzuah fits in my hand.  The sedar plate is no bigger than a large turkey platter.  The sukkah is rather large but since it's outside it doesn't feel that big.

DH always promised me that once the kids (she has an older brother) were 18 we could start going away for winter break.  That it would be the kids choice to join us or not.  He never wanted to ask them to make the choice between a winter vacation with us and spending Christmas with their mother.  Maybe this year we could start going on vacation.

As for her spending Christmas with her mother---there was a falling out.  But it's only July and Dec is a long way away.  
[/quote]
I'm a Jew, married to a non-Jew (atheist, raised by atheists who were raised Protestant). We're raising our DS Jewish, but to respect the traditions of both sides of the family. So, we celebrate secular Christmas with my ILs, but we never had a tree or anything like that in our house for the first 7 years we were married.

Last year, though, MIL was sick, and she didn't want us to come visit for the holidays. Christmas has always been a special day for DH, and I wanted him to still feel special. I didn't want him to ignore his family traditions just because his mom was sick. (And also to take his mind off of the fact that his mom was sick, and he wasn't going to be home for Christmas for the first time in 30+ years.)

So, we got a small tree and a "starter pack" of ornaments. Preschool-age DS also made a few ornaments. And I made a couple of Jewish-themed ornaments, too. :) I got cheap stockings from Bed Bath & Beyond and filled them with dollar-store trinkets. And I made his mom's recipe for cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. We had Chinese food on Christmas Eve, as is my family's tradition.

DH felt better about not being at home, and I didn't feel like my religion was being infringed on at all. I think it's great that you're making these considerations for your SD. A tabletop tree is a great compromise. [/quote]

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