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[quote=Anonymous]NP. I've also been through what you're going through, OP. We've been working hard at things for more than a year since I found out how he'd been lying and hiding things for years, as well as pursuing other women. We have kids, so I felt I must give it some time.

Even after a year of intensive therapy and work, and his seeming to have made progress, for me it's still overall pretty miserable, because a day doesn't go by without me having at least one passing thought, wondering if he's really off doing what he said, or if what he's telling me at this moment is a lie. He and I still love each other, but he totally poisoned things between us.

It's so hard living without trust, without feeling safe. He was such a good liar and so good at covering up the things he was doing. I know he could easily deceive me again, even though now I'm on guard (an exhausting way to live, btw). I could forgive and rebuild with someone who had always lived honestly, and had one lapse, one brief mistake. But he carried this on for years. It's part of who he is. I never really knew him.

It eats away at me, living with this lack of trust, and the sense that I've been made a fool of, and could be again, easily. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.

That happy, safe feeling I once had, was based on lies, and can never come back with this man.

If we did not have kids together, I would have given myself enough time to sort out my heart and mind, and then I would have cut and run. Every day is a struggle for me, and it's really just damage control and trying to make the best of things. The destruction of trust is not really fixable. You can try, but it's never the same. It's like finding a big, long, nasty pube in your food at a restaurant.

Starting a marriage from this low a point, without any kids to truly tie you to this nightmare, no, no, no. You could be much happier with a more basically honest and trustworthy man, OP. You should be very happy at this point, not dealing with this. [/quote]

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