Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before going all crazy on her and your family, have you talked to your husband and has he talked to the ex? It might just need a simple conversation, but don't except the children to thank you for it. In fact they may end up being out of the house more to see her. [/quote]

+1.  Happened in my own family.  As the stepmom, I let my DH take the lead on a similar issue.  He took a hard line and made it clear that his ex was not allowed in the house at all and that all dropoffs/pickups happened outside.  Well, the kids did not see this as enforcing boundaries and such.  They saw it as their dad trying to marginalize their mom because he had a new wife. Heck, they could not even show her changes they made to their room, stuff on their computer, etc. So they gravitated more towards their mom and opted to spend more time with her at her house.  We had 50/50 joint but they eventually asked if they could stay there most of the time.  It hurt my DH deeply.

OP you married a man with kids who are close to their mom.  We understand that you want to set your own family dynamic.  Just be careful that you may get exactly what you want - with a price. [/quote]

Yep, exactly. My parents divorced when I was 8. If my dad would have pushed something like this, I would have resented him for it. If my stepmom had, I would have HATED her for it. Keep in mind that the kids will grow up to be adults, with children of their own. Right now is when you earn (or lose) the trust and allegiance of those kids. Fighting a battle over allowing THEIR MOTHER into THEIR HOME will mean you'll likely end up losing on a much larger scale.

What are you really concerned about? Do you believe she's digging through your things? Judging your spice cabinet? Or might she just be spendin time with her children in their home?[/quote]

I agree with these posters.  OP I understand why you might not want her in the house, but think of the kids in this. I was the kid in a situation like this   my dad decided to force a hardline  and I ended up spending more and more time with my mom, my dad and my former step mom are no longer married, but my dad and I are still very distant.
As life would have it I am now a stepmom and my stepkids mother is welcome in our home anytime. She's their mom. No we aren't best friends but she hasn't done anything so disrespectful that I'd want to ban her from the home.[/quote]

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