Reply to My wife reacts with hostility when I ask for more sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^ I've asked my wife for more sex without the expectation of physical affection. Pretty much the same as what you said, right?[/quote]

No, not at all. Because all you're asking about is how to get your needs met without having to meet any of hers. What we're trying to do here is help OP (perhaps that's you, perhaps not) see areas where he might not be meeting her needs, which could be leading the her resentment and unwillingness to meet his. It probably feels unfair to some people to have to extend themselves to meet their spouse's needs without their own needs immediately being met as well, but when you're in a stalemate like OP seems to be, someone has to make the first move to improve things. Since OP is here asking for advice, I'm suggesting he be that person. If a wife were here with this question, I'd make the same general suggestion (how can you meet his needs better so that he's more inclined to meet yours as well).
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This is great, but the problem often is the wife is unable to state clearly what those needs are.  My wife has gotten much better at this over the years.  Men are not mind readers.[/quote]

I tell my husband what I need all the time. From my conversations with my girlfriends, it sounds like they do too. I need a break once in a while. I need some alone time. I need my husband to do his fair share around the house, or at least not leave his dishes all over the table, socks next to the hamper, towel on the floor, toilet paper roll empty, etc. I'd like to have him ask how my day was once in a while, or show any interest in me or what I do. But none of these happen no matter how often I ask, and then he's mystified that I don't want to have sex later. It's because I've spent all day catering to everyone else's needs and preferences without getting any of mine met, so at bedtime I'm not interested in it once again being all about someone else's needs. I just want to rest and finally take care of myself by having a little downtime. But if I ever say that directly, I'm accused of using sex as a weapon. Which it's not at all, it's not like I'd like to have sex but instead am going to withhold it to get back at him. I'm just literally not even remotely interested most days, and it feels like one more chore on my list and I am spent.[/quote]

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