Reply to How long did it take for you/your spouse to feel balance/normal after an extra marital affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is fascinating.  Infidelity strikes at the heart of our insecurities (am I good enough?  attractive enough?  sexual enough?).  No matter how wealthy or gorgeous, it can happen to anyone.  That is perhaps why posters are so inflamed with the subject.  No, I cannot walk in anyone else's shoes but I can still remember how devastated my mother was when she accused my father of cheating, which he had not done on the basis of some circumstantial things that happened and how she put them together.

Look, if you are cheated on and decide to stay in your marriage, who is anyone else to judge?   [/quote]

For me it's not so much about insecurity as it is about respect of one another and our promises to each other when we married. It is, quite literally, breaking our marriage vows to commit such an act. I have too much time left in this world to stick around for someone that would treat me that way. Move on to the next one.[/quote]

Well if your view is move on to the next one your odds aren't that great anyway.[/quote]

Like I said, I do not have time to stick around for those that are going to disrespect my relationship and marriage. I bet if someone was emotionally abused your response would not be the same.[/quote]

All these words: "abusive" "forgiveness" "respect" -- they're subjective to a point.  As a PP said, perhaps your husband was faking it from the word "go" and respect/love was never there, or you had unrealistic expectations about things, or perhaps he did.  Monogamy is a fairly new experiment for humanity and it can be rewarding for some, and some people aren't meant for it.  Then there is the added pressure of societal expectations and individual perspectives brought to each scenario.  So, YOU say, that YOU think it's about respect, then that's what it is for YOU.  But how dare you shame me for deciding what it is for ME.  I'm going to bet you're one of those that sits in the pew on Sunday singing hallelujah to "judge not lest ye be judged" -never fails that puttinog that into practice if a hell of a lot harder than one realizes.  [/quote]

Your analysis is quite interesting. First of all, I said the words, assuming you.are talking about this chain of messages,"infedility for me" all of my responses were in my point of view. What it.means for me. It is interesting you bring up the topic of shaming as your first post was about shaming those that did not have your views by dismissing it as "insecurity". If I was a shrink and not an engineer that doesn't know anything about soft science, I would say you are projecting in your above comment. By all means continue to have your opinion as I certainly will mine.

Nevertheless you are completely wrong about my situation- I have never been cheated on my husband I've been with for 10 years. I am also a humanist.[/quote]"humanist"?, - that explains it.[/quote]

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