Reply to SAHMs: how do you balance time alone versus spouse's time alone

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[quote=Anonymous]I've only read the first few pages, so my apologies if I've missed something important.

My impression is that both you and your DH have not fully adjusted your expectations about how much alone time a parent of a toddler can reasonably get. And you are bean counting, and that's never good. It means you each are looking out for yourselves first and not giving much weight to your spouse's well being or needs. Who knows what came first, the bean counting or the disregard of each other's needs, but you're in this rut and you need to break out of it or your marriage is at risk.

I think a reevaluation of what is best for your family may be in order, in terms of your respective roles. Is being a SAHM working well for your family? Is DH's job/long hours and travel providing enough positives to the family to make it worth the negatives?

I was a SAHM for a couple of years, and when my DD was your son's age I felt a lot like you describe. Drained, worn out, and in desperate need of quiet alone time. Ultimately I decided that SAH was not for me and went back to work, and it is so much better now. Sometimes work is my alone time!

I don't mean to suggest this is the answer for you, just that you consider other options.

For finding a weekend sitter, try your neighborhood list serve. You can probably find a teenager who could use the extra money and has the energy to keep up with a toddler. And I suggest using that time with your DH working on repairing your relationship. House projects can wait, or you can hire someone for them. Right now I would prioritize getting your family to a happy and functional place. Which I think also means family outings, all three of you. They don't have to be long or elaborate or fancy. But spending time together as a family is a great bonding experience for all of you. 
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