Reply to SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

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Reply to "SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate. [/quote]
hmmmm
when i had a baby -- i figured people were coming to see, hold, and visit with baby. They already knew my ass.[/quote]

Really? For our visitors the baby was a side show for the main event, catching up with the adults whose lives had just changed so dramatically. It's not like the baby is all that engaging or can tell you how the birth went or how things are going. They might be cute, but are very likely to be asleep most of the visit. Maybe they hold the baby for a bit, and coo...maybe they even hold the baby for a whole nap. But during that time they talk to their friends, the adults, who are the ones with the information and with whom they have a relationship.

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Hmm..most of my friends see me on a regular basis and there was not much "catching up" to do, so yea, seeing the baby, A WHOLE BRAND NEW, CUTE AS HECK PERSON, was the main event. Plus, most of my friends were already moms and new the drill, and really did not think that after 35 hours of labor, an emergency c-section that i wanted to do a lot of 'catching up' navel grazing with some people I see all the time. They came, held the baby(there were no medical issues or illness in visitors ), offered to get me juice, etc. and then they left. While I understand everyone's birth experience is different, that email does not speak to the birth experience, it speaks to the lack of graciousness and manners on the part of the SIL. There is nothing wrong with needing assistance, but there is a way to ask for it that shows you are being gracious, kind and considerate of the other obligations of the parties being called upon. There was nothing of the kind in the SIL'S email.  As my friend's mom is oft to say, 'I had a baby, I didn't drop my brains out of my ass"![/quote]

I agree that the email was pretty rude and not something that I would have sent myself.  However, there might be a history of people over stepping boundaries in a rude manner and/or simply not respecting SIL.  I would tend not to hold something like this against a new mother simply because she is exhausted, her body is still healing, she is taking care of a brand new baby and she is feeling vulnerable.  The demands in her email are quite off putting - they really are!- but not all births are the same, maybe her birth and her newborn have been a lot harder than she thought they would be.  Maybe this is her awkward way of asking for some assistance?  I don't know but I would tend to give her the benefit of the doubt if only just this once.

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