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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So this 34 yr old distant cousin lives with you for free.  You pay for her food, outings/entertainment with your family, cell phone, and help her with her college homework and you get back nothing in return but pay her for occasional babysitting and house cleaning?!?

Why such an arrangement?  She or her family treated a member of your husband's immediate family the same way?  Your arrangement is so one sided that we have problems understanding it.  You expect nothing from this person so it's not surprising she did not help you after you had major surgery.[/quote]

She's family. In our culture we help family. She needed help, wants a better future so we gave her a hand. Obviously she's not being appreciative.[/quote]

Honestly my hope was to be able to have her help me with childcare so I could go back to work FT but her schedule won't fit my work schedule.[/quote]

OP, did she know that your goal was to have her help with childcare so so you could go back to work?  If not, it's not fair for your to resent her when it didn't work out due to the schedule.

It also sounds like there was a lack of communication about expectations.  You mentioned she watches your children for one weekend per month?  That is not very much at all so she may not see herself in the care-giver support role that you do.

Regarding the original question of the post, I would have assumed you wanted privacy and left you alone because that is what I would want personally. Yes, she could have asked you to confirm but that may not be her style. If I were in your boat, about half of my family and friends would ask, and half would not and I would not resent them if they didn't ask.

It sounds like there are underlying issues though which are causing you to resent your relative.  It sounds like you both have different sets of expectations for your current arrangement which need to be discussed.  [/quote]

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