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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Arrive on time, but with full stomachs and a really appealing dessert--enough for an army.

Fill your stomachs ahead of time in a way that is special and festive to you--make a special breakfast/brunch/lunch at home, go out, whatever.

[/quote]

OP here.  I like this!

I talked to DH.  He is too scared to NOT show up at all, or to miss their "dinner" (non-dinner).  He has not admitted his fears; but is finally seeing their evil patterns.  It only took decades, so I am optimistic (sarcasm).  He has agreed to go to brunch that day, so that is some progress.  He has agreed to talk to her - though I suggested other means.  As I mentioned, the IL are absolute masters and probably the originators of feigning oblivious.  It is really all they do.  Which is a shame, because they really miss out on life (one can tell from their attitudes).

I don't want it to be my idea.  I want him to see what they do, and call them on it.  He's a grown man, I can't make him do anything.  Worst case, scenario, they go and I stay.  The BILs have done this TONS of holidays - so I know they know exactly what is going on.  It seems very male of them (DH included) not to call them on it.  I don't usually see men say something.  My dad was the opposite, so I am surprised.  Have men become less outspoken, in "trying to keep (a perceived) peace"?

I am more than a little concerned about the troll PP (Mil, is that you????) who sees clear abuses I am describing, yet continues to prod and poke.  Much like a troll.  Maybe I will report her.  [/quote]

I'm PP above.  It's really all about controlling what you can control and letting the rest go.  
DH can talk or not talk to ILs, but it's fair for you to say that after past years you are not willing to show up on an empty stomach.

You want to have a nice meal on XMas, which is reasonable, and you/DH want to see the ILs.  
So plan a special meal of your own--create your own tradition.  You all arrive full, fat, and happy.  Take a taste of remaining crumbs, then dig into the epic pan of fudge/whatever you brought along.  
If anyone notices that you are not ravenous (ha! doesn't sound like they will), be ready with a breezy answer that you found a great recipe for [whatever you had to eat before you came] or read about brunch at [wherever you went] and it seemed like fun or were getting a little peckish or...whatever.  Based on what you've said, though, once you break out the epic dessert, nobody will ask you anything...Cheers![/quote]

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