Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Basically, OP complains that his wife has little redeeming value, and the response is that he needs to jump through hoops to "romance" her.

Maybe she could put in a little effort herself. [/quote]

Yes, because every woman gets soaked at the thought of a man who thinks he's entitled to sex just because of XYZ.

The key is to never stop romancing your wife. Women have to feel wanted for themselves, not solely as a sexual object. We can tell when you take us out with ulterior motives vs when you take us out because you genuinely want to have a good time together. OP says he has tried the suggested comments but perhaps his wife is picking up on subtle clues as to how OP really feels.

OP, I challenge you to try this just one night. Get a babysitter and plan a date with your wife. Pretend it is your first date ever. You certainly hope it will be your lucky night, but it won't be if your lady doesn't think the night has gone well. In fact, if it doesn't go well, you might never see this lady again. So, do what you need to do to impress her, WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATIONS. I suspect you might find that your lady will be much more responsive to you than you might think.

I also second the poster who said to learn some new tricks in bed. Maybe your wife is bored in bed. You have to give her a reason to want you and keep coming back. She's not going to want sex if she's bored or unfulfilled.[/quote]

Exactly.  If she doesnt want to have sex, act super happy (non mopey and passive aggressive) and thrilled with how the evening went, and do something the next morning to show you you appreciated her time and dont have any expectations.  Sometimes when you know someone wants something from you, it's human nature to feel kind of weighed down by the expectation, and it's a huge turnoff. I guarantee if you start acting like you are genuinely enthralled with her personality, charmed by her, then she will respond.  There's a great book by Dr Patricia Allen (lamely called "getting to i do" but w/e) about how men want to feel respected and women want to feel cherished.  If you treat her like you CHERISH her, enjoy her time and are enthralled by her, she will be just as turned on as if your woman said to you, "You're the greatest man I've ever met, I feel so safe with you."  When you stop cherishing women, it's the same lack of sexiness as if your woman constantly disrespected and ignored you.  You may think you're giving her what she wants, but unless you treat this woman like you cherish her, which you obviously dont from how youve spoken about her, then she isn't going to feel sexy around you.

Also, please:  look up bedroom techniques.  There are a ton of helpful online resources that will show you how to do great foreplay, particularly eating out.  It's completed down there, but if you know where to go, it can be a home run every time.  No woman can resist that.  Take the time and effort to truly care about HER sexual experience and I guarantee you she will start caring more about yours.[/quote]

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