Reply to If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

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Reply to "If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happened to me, the morphing of a 'winner' into a beta that had setback after setback.   Over the course of 15 years or so.

I was prepared to stick it out, come whatever may, because I actually believed in the vows I took.   Call me old-fashioned. Also, a change in health status seemed to play a part, and I felt bad for him.  Still, it was really hard to watch a C-level guy with so. much. potential. slip into a professional near-failure.  But I kept silent and was supportive, helpful, and tried to be kind.

Here's the weird part:  he turned on ME.  Everything that happened to him, it turns out, was my fault.  I wasn't an enthusiastic enough sex partner.  I didn't spend enough time on my appearance.  I didn't contribute enough to the HHI.  I was "lazy." I was a hick.  I was pedantic.  I was negative.  I was fat.  I was entitled.  My family was stupid and fat and entitled.

So, we went our separate ways.   My compassion and support is completely gone, as you might suspect.[/quote]

+1
This happened to me too.  He walked out.  We are now trying to work it out - mostly for the kids' sake, but I don't have high hopes. Mostly I feel like an idiot.[/quote]

Me too! It's oddly comforting to hear that others have gone through this, although I am sorry for all of us. He didn't walk out, thought. I watched my husband run his career completely into the ground, and listened all the while to how it was always someone else's fault- his boss was discriminating against him because of his nationality, his paper wasn't published because they sent it to his rival to review, a colleague was out to get his job and steal his duties, another colleague was fudging numbers and trying to blame him, and on and on and on. After 5 years of this it started to become my fault- I'm not loving enough, supportive enough, didn't have sex with him enough, was too negative and anxious. Well I am anxious because he is unemployed and we had to move in with my parents and he continues to accrue credit card debt at the rate of $1000-2000/mo!

I too have been trying to work it out for the kids' sake, but I have no love or respect or trust left for him. He wants me to be madly in love with him and says I only care about money. After months of counseling I feel we can't communicate at all and there is no hope. [/quote]

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