Reply to Husband wants to move for job, I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually, how likely is it that his company just happened to have an opening in San Diego?  It seems he's looking for a job there.  Maybe if he kept looking here her eventually find a better position.  I think they need to decide as a family whether yo uproot and under what conditions to return.  [/quote]

Yea, I am sure that job caught his attention because that is where he wants to be.  That's the point a lot of people are missing and that OP needs to grab by the horns.  Her DH does not want to live here long term- he wants to live in San Diego.  He probably realizes that once the IL's move here, the OP will not be going anywhere and he will be stuck.   In his mind, this is Waterloo.  If he does not leave now, he is never leaving. [/quote]

Who knows? [b]Maybe he is starting to feel suffocated by having to be around her family so much. Having family close by (esp. so many members) is not always a positive[/b]. My DH's family all live in another city. If we lived near them, I would not be excited.

So, OP, if you get what you want, how are you going to make it up to your DH? You led him to believe that moving to the west coast was a realistic possibility, and he wants to go back. If he stays to make you happy, are you willing
to get a job so funds are available for him to take his kids to see his family? There is nothing in anything you've said about what you are willing to give up.[/quote]

Bingo!  He probably feels outnumbered.  And he might feel like the inlaws are too involved in their lives.

I grew up with a lot of inlaws around.  My parents' siblings and their kids lived nearby.  My mom was very close to one of her sisters.  We spent a lot of time with her and my cousins.

Here's the thing.  first of all, my parents' inlaws have had a horrible effect on their marriage.  They were suffocating, especially my aunt (the sister my mom was close to).

Second, we played with and were close to cousins growing up.  But once we were teenagers, we weren't close any more.  And now, my siblings and I aren't at all close with those cousins.

Yeah, I hear the "family is important.  My sister is my support network.  My kids like to play with their cousins."  But I don't think any of those things will make up for the resentment OP's husband will feel that (a) ALL of his inlaws and NONE of his own family live nearby and are heavily involved in his life and (b) he has been clear and upfront for years that he'd like to move, but apparently that doesn't matter, and (c) his inlaws and his wife's attachment to them are standing in the way of a career opportunity in the very place he has told his wife for years he'd like to move and in a place where he actually has family of his own nearby.

Good luck.[/quote]

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