Reply to Wife and I don't see eye-to-eye on money

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Their issue is that it's a blended family (wanna guess why his first marriage fell apart?). He feels overburdened by all the kiddos, and possibly some spousal support, and married her only under the condition she wouldn't cost him more money. That's my guess, anyway.

My second guess is that once her children are old enough, she'll be out of there.[/quote]

I earn $250k+.  The burden is no issue.  There is no spousal support.  And there were no conditions about extra costs.

She and I are very happy, have a warm and honest relationship with lots of hot sex.

I dont know why I expected anything else from this discussion though, ad hominem is the only route people take here [b]rather than actually considering the question. [/b] I know the question hits home, obviously.  Not a single person has put forth a rational argument as to why a wife shouldn't contribute 50/50 or why she would literally be entitled to a subsidy.  Name calling emotional responses, mentions of the 'way it should be' etc - but no real argument.

The only one that actually made any sense had to do with child bearing but I hardly doubt that most woman want to reduce their relationships with their husbands to an exchange like that - i.e. wife gets additional income in exchange for child rearing.

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because your "question" is beside the point. normal people do not pose or think about such questions. it never occured to me (or my husband) to demand any kind of split - we simply married because we liked spending time together. the rest of the things (money, childcare, house chores etc) have just worked themselves out (for almost 20 years).

on the other hand, you are obviously very invested into it, both in the real life and here, and one has to wonder why.[/quote]

no you never considered it, likely because you just assumed that you were entitled to all his earnings without any question, right?

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This is where you keep losing people PP. No one is posting about feeling "entitled." These are massive assumptions you're making about people who don't follow the same game plan you and your wife are following. This is why you are turning people off. People are more than capable of having rational discussions with their spouses - their family - and come to different conclusions about what works best for their families without it being a sense of entitlement by one spouse or someone being subsidized by another.

I really wonder what your sense of family is. Because for you, it's a zero sum game, all based on money.[/quote]

no one said specifically that they were entitled, but when people just start out with ad hominem with no discussion it creates that.  the system for how many years has been men provide.  its the status quo, or was.  the entitlement comes based in the presumptions that are created over time and history in our culture.

i am happy to hear honest discussions and thought processes.

it just seems all to likely that the woman just 'kinda assumed' that husband's higher salary would accrue in portion or in total to her benefit.

and frankly, you have no idea about family life, certainly not enough to say it is "all based on money"

this is a thread about husband and wife and money.

if this was a thread about coaching teams or playing duets on the piano with my son or doing science experiments together or rubbing my wife's feet or making love or spending holidays with our families - i'd have plenty to talk about there too.

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It is getting less and less clear what you mean by "entitlement". Yes, for a long time men were providers, but it was hardly the case that women were therefore entitled to their earnings. They were quite vulnerable, divorce was often illegal and there was no child or spousal support. I doubt may women would like to go back to those times of "entitlement".

Some people (men and women) today consider whatever either party makes to belong to the family, not individuals. Would you consider that entitlement? [/quote]

While the conversation we are having is interesting (to me at least) and the financial divide amongst my wife and I the proper way to do things I believe, it is really moot.  The law says something different.  The law still allows for financial claims to be made on a husband's current and future earnings.

This mechanism is from the old system that you mention, where divorce was only legal in cases where actual crimes were committed such as adultery, abuse, etc.  In those events, the wife gained a divorce and then financial renumeration for many years to follow.

However, today, "no fault" divorce allows for women (and men) to leave for any reason at any time.  But the law still provides a mechanism for the now Ex-wife to make claims to the husband's marital earnings and in fact his future earnings as well.

This is both a reflection of and a source of the entitlement that I am talking about.

Wife can divorce for literally no (good or otherwise) reason and yet take his assets with her.

Today's marital contract is no contract at all.  It is rather merely a set of consequences for the husband to be enforced by the court at the whim of the wife.

Until this is remedied, the entitlement, both legal and seemingly moral, will remain

I believe, that no fault divorce should be permitted, but only at the expense of losing both child custody as well as any claim to financial support - for either spouse.  Same for men or women.

And At-Fault divorce should be the only way that child custody or financial support can be wrangled from the other spouse.

Absent that, a marriage contract is quite literally a promise for a man to handover to a woman his assets and future income [b]in the event she choses to leave for no good reason[/b]

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