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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi, OP.  I just want to say that I've read everything and I am divorced from someone similar to your husband.  Our relationship was awful.  It was a combination of both of us being naive in relationships (mine from inexperience personally and his from poor examples at home) and poor communication skills on both of our parts.  Still, I am not an abuser and he is.

I've spent a lot of time in counseling, learning about myself and working on being the best parent I can be.  I'm several years out and it was, hands down, the hardest thing I've done.  To this day, I'm not sure my parents or friends understand (and most haven't tried to understand).  But in reading your post...I want you to know that I was where you are and it's no way to live.  My ex brought out the absolute worst in me.  I said horrible, hateful things to him and I can honestly say, I wanted him gone.  I don't wish death on him, even now and even though he's still a vile human being.  If he disappeared and my kids wouldn't miss him, no biggie for me.  My kids would miss him, so for now, I just hope someday he turns a corner.  His well-being is no longer my problem.  I'm living for myself and two kids.  That's enough.

Intimidation, threatening, etc. are forms of abuse.  I'm similar to you in background and personality, from what I've read.  I was surprised to find myself in such a bad relationship, but I was.  After years, I'm now in a fantastic relationship.  Is he perfect?  No.  But...in a million years he would never talk to me like my ex did, would never even think those things...and I can't see ever feeling hatred towards him like I do my ex. Healthy relationships do exist.  Hard to imagine where you are now though.

I'd simply be asking myself one question at the moment -- what is best for your kids?  I want to show my kids the best example that I can, and I know my marriage was going to set them up to be abusers themselves, to hate me for being so spineless, or just miserable adults who don't understand what a functional family looks like.  I wasn't about to let that happen, so I decided to be the adult for both parents.

My ex tells a different tale, but our kids are great.  Happy, healthy kids.  This is all that matters to me.  I do have my self-respect back and I can get all sorts of depressed if I think about certain parts of my marriage.  One foot in front of the other moving forward -- how I choose to live.  Good luck to you, and don't let some of the PPs make you doubt yourself even more.  Keep going to the counseling sessions.[/quote]

Do you know OP's husband? Didnt think so. [/quote]

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