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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Invitations went out. They say the bride's parents would like you to join them to celebrate as their daughter marries M______ (my son). No mention of myself or my husband. When DH and I brought this up to our son, he said that he asked if we wanted to contribute by paying for either of the dinners or the brunch, and because we're not, then we are not "hosting" the wedding, and her parents and he are paying for everything, which is why they are on the invite. DH is saying he has never been so humiliated before in his life. Our son also said, isn't it enough that we're having a wedding you can attend instead of eloping like we wanted to?[b] So did he have us left off the invite as payback for me asking that they not elope?[/b][/quote]

OP, I just reread your post and paid closer attention to the actual question you asked-- Was it payback by your son?  Most of us have answered the unasked question, Do you have a right to be upset about your names being left off the invitation?  (I was the [i]tread carefully[/i] poster on the first page who cautioned that you are laying the foundation of your future relationship with your son and DIL.)  I think your actual question deserves an answer.

When did you find out your names were not on the invitations and when did you have the conversation with your son described in the opening post?  If your discovery about the names was after the invitations were sent (or at least printed) and the conversation took place subsequent to that, then there's clearly no ulterior "payback" motive.  All these pages of responses should have convinced you that most people consider tradition to be bride's parents the hosts and the only ones named on the invitation, with a modern variation being that the major funders of the wedding may also be considered hosts and named on the invitation.  If that is not true in Jewish wedding tradition, I am sure that the bride and her parents don't know that, and it's the bride and her mother who usually do the invitations.  (This is not a task many grooms are intimately involved with.) Your son was probably just describing the general thinking behind the invitations.  There is no slight, and so no reason to take offense.  I can maybe see feeling a little embarrassed if you think your Jewish friends (who share your wedding invitation tradition) will make assumptions based on the invitation wording, but then they're not really your friends, are they?  In any case, you should not feel embarrassed, OP.  You contributed financially what you could, your son loves you enough to change his wedding plans, your son values the faith you raised him with enough to convince a non-Jew to convert for him, your DIL loves your son enough to convert for him, and her parents love her enough to accept your son as member of their family, as evidence by their hosting of the wedding.  That's a lot of love and good will going around, OP.  Do you and your husband want to be the only exception to that?

If, however, you knew about the name issue ahead of time, made your feelings known, and the conversation with your son took place while there was still time to amend the invitations, then there is a possibility of payback, I suppose, but still seems unlikely.  More likely, they probably just felt like using the more common practice noted by all the respondents to this thread.  Heck, they may have seen the invitation wording as a way to soothe her parents' sense of loss at their daughter leaving her (their) faith to marry your son.  But even if it is payback, then: You should not feel embarrassed.  You contributed financially what you could, your son loves you enough to change his wedding plans, your son values the faith you raised him with enough to convince a non-Jew to convert for him, your DIL loves your son enough to convert for him, and her parents love her enough to accept your son as member of their family, as evidence by their hosting of the wedding.  That's a lot of love and good will going around, OP.  Do you and your husband want to be the only exception to that?

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