Reply to What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is no marital obligation to have sex when you don't want to. There used to be, but then states changed rape laws to include nonconsensual sex even within a marriage. Also with the advent of no-fault divorce, there are no longer laws about "conjugal alienation". Even in states with at fault divorce, you will not find courts granting divorces on the basis of one partner refusing to have sex with the other. This is not how it works anymore. People get to decided whether they want to have sex and there's no legal obligation to do it, even with your spouse.

You can have the expectation that your partner have sex with you at a certain frequency all through your marriage, just like you can have the expectation that your partner earn a certain amount of money within your marriage. But it's not legally required, and if you become dissatisfied you can't compel your spouse to do what you want by pointing to your marriage vows.

You can cry about this is you want but the mature thing to do is just discuss your expectations with any potential marriage partner and don't get married unless you are on the same page. And also prepare to get divorced if their attitude changes and diverges from yours, which happens because it's very hard for someone at age 30 to predict what their sex drive will look like at 50. Good luck to you.[/quote]

No shit. No one was saying it's the law. That's common knowledge. The context here is "what is a reasonable obligation for moral behavior in a traditional marriage". But yah, you can do anything you want. [/quote]

Our laws reflect our morality.

It used to be legal to rape your wife or to divorce her because she wouldn't have sex with you. That is no longer the case, because our society no longer views it as immoral for a person to refuse to have sex with their spouse.

Some of you are simply behind the times. We live in a culture that takes domestic abuse seriously (including marital rape), at least on paper, and where most people can get divorced whenever they want for whatever reason. That means you can no longer have strict expectations for what your spouse is going to do for you. Regarding sex or housework or money or anything (childcare and support being an exception because there are legal obligations by all parents to support and care for their kids, and spouses and former spouses can actually enforce those obligations if their parent or ex is failing to meet them). All you can do is negotiate directly with your spouse, do your best to work it out, and if you can't, you get divorced and see if you can find someone else who will strike a better deal with you.

I can see from the comments in this thread that this is pretty annoying to some of you who long for the days when you could force your wife to have sex with you. My suggestion to those posters is therapy. It's the only way you will ever figure out what to do with your control issues.[/quote]

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