Reply to My ADHD husband lets me down in every single possible logistical situation. Anyone else in a similar boat?

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Reply to "My ADHD husband lets me down in every single possible logistical situation. Anyone else in a similar boat?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have ADHD and am in charge of all of this stuff.  Honestly, it doesn’t all get done and life goes on.  Kids show up in uniforms on school picture day.  I get an email from the school nurse and have to run kids to the drug store after school to get vaccines.  Just this past weekend, I had a kid miss a rehearsal for the school play.  I feel like I can keep on top of 90% of it (vet for the dog, meds, doctors, dentist, orthodontist, activity fees, mandatory volunteer hours, lacrosse sticks, mouthguards, what day the gym uniform needs to be clean, taxes, oil changes, ingredients for breakfast lunch and dinner, etc.), but the 10% I miss always feels like a failure.

It sucks, and I hate myself for it.  I’m glad my spouse doesn’t hate me too.  [/quote]

You have ADHD but still manage to do 90% of everything? That’s incredible. Most people are like OP’s husband. They do 0% of everything. Often less than zero because they also can’t take care of themselves. [/quote]

I have ADHD and can accomplish a lot when the need/motivation is extrinsic. I suck at doing things for myself.

For example, I can get the tax documents together, hire people to fix things (get quotes, do research on the project, review the quotes, etc), and client work. However, doing "work" that benefits me personally can be a lot harder for me to get done.

The meds help to a certain degree.

[/quote]

Which part(s) of the process are you doing versus a coworker or roommate or spouse or parent telling you to:

1- independently identify something in need / needs to be done

2- independently make a sensible plan to handle it

3- independently handle it correctly, the first time.

All of those steps? 
Or just the last one? Or the first one? [/quote]

I’m not that poster, but I also have ADHD.  
Do you seriously do everything you try correctly, the first time, all of the time?  And you don’t have to set reminders and keep lists and a planner to remember to do things?   
That sounds really nice.  
I have to set reminders to make and review my to-do lists, write down weekly meal plans and schedules including transit time and who is driving, write out weekly homework plans with my kids, and have a pretty strict schedule that we all follow so that day to day things don’t get dropped.
  
I can’t imagine just doing these things naturally and taking it for granted that you won’t screw up.  [/quote]

Maybe your spouse can do more.?.[/quote]

Pp here.  This is just how I function.  I’ve made lists and had routines and reminders since I was in third grade and couldn’t remember to get all of my homework done.  Or I would stress about one thing that I was nervous about and forget about everything else.  
I help my kids do the same.

I guess it sucks that other people have to deal with my symptoms.  I take meds, but I can’t really make my mind change to automatically remember everything I need to do and prioritize things without intention on my part.

I don’t know.  One of my co-workers is legally blind and needs to use magnifiers and ask for help on occasion.  I hear people talk crap about her because she will ask them to fill out most of a form and then type out her portion and attach it rather than fill out the form herself.

I also have a co-worker who had a stroke and needs to use a cane and has multiple ways of coping with significant left sided weakness, and people complain that he can’t physically get places as quickly as they want him to or that he will ask someone to get him a chair if he needs one rather than getting it himself.

It just is what it is.

[/quote]

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