Reply to Husband can’t set a table and doesn’t care to learn how

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP's husband does care about the task or about what matters to her. He could learn. As a PP pointed out, a 4YO could learn. And if his boss asked him to, he would get it right on the first try.

So the bad news is that the husband doesn't care enough to make minimal effort. The good news is that OP now knows this and can stop doing things that are important to him but not her.

And if she's worried about judgment from her in-laws or something,  she can just explain: I realized I could do everything to a certain standard, which would mean I did everything, or I could just leave the manchild to his own devices, and you see the results before you.[/quote]

It's almost like you're the author of all these idiotic "husband doesn't care about things I care about" posts so you can keep bleating this advice over and over again. Did you copy and paste this from the egg hunt thread?[/quote]

No. But I think men are capable of learning how to do the things that keep a house running and enable children to become members of more-or-less civilized society. And I think many men think those things just somehow happen.

I know that there are things I care about and my husband doesn’t, and I feel fine either doing them myself or going without. But there are other things he either doesn't care about and has therefore deemed unimportant, regardless of how the rest of the family feels, or that he cares about enough to use "we" but really means me.

At this point I do the stuff I care about and nothing that only he cares about. Thank goodness our kids are grown. And that I've taught them to give a shit about other people's feelings. Not to the exclusion of their own, but I can state a preference or ask them to pitch in without being treated like a controlling harpy.[/quote]

Great, so you're here to give everyone the "do as I say, not as I do" advice?[/quote]

No, I'm here to push back against the people saying she should stop having preferences and that it's unreasonable to think he should listen to her. She's reasonable, he's a douche, and she needs to figure out how to make this bearable. [/quote]

Please make sure to mark all your future advice with *unhappily married to a man I detest* so that we can get a sense of where you're coming from. Thanks. [/quote]

I'm not PP but I find this assumption telling.  Some of us are pushing back on the "men can't do this stuff" narrative because we are happily married to men who easily do stuff like this.  My son has no issues setting up things and listening either.

I actually find it troubling this narrative that men and boys are incapable of detail and basic executive function.  It's infantilizing and insulting to men.[/quote]

I’m just too busy. That’s the reason. Too busy. On my phone, with my office work. Too busy. [/quote]

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