Reply to How to forgive spouse for initiating a gray divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Alternatively Stud Dad, he did nothing to save the marriage, then more formally gave up and left. In true narc style, he’s doing it to find adoration, supply and happiness elsewhere!! [/quote]

I love stud dad!

I tried for years until I came to the painful realization that she was not in love with me and she was no longer attracted to me.  I don’t blame her, there had been times where I acted unlovable and unattractive, however nothing I did to alter my patterns of thought and behavior could salvage attraction. I’m not talking sexual attraction, if you have an imagination you can get through sex with anyone I’m talking about real attraction. 
She would’ve been quite content with a parallel life, the erratic sex life, conversations no deeper than traffic and logistics, but the gut doesn’t lie, you can tell when someone doesn’t love you anymore. When they’re not interested in you as a person real human attraction is gone,I would bring up therapy, books, plan little getaways and nothing clicked. Exercises that the therapist gave us never happened more than twice, continually showing me that she was not interested. 
Watching her act and play a part only to drop the character when the work of acting like she loved me became too hard became an intolerable roller coaster. 
Then came the lies and betrayal, I even convinced myself that that it was just a symptom, she really loved me underneath, it was just unresolved father issues or anxiety or whatever thing I found to blame it on.

It took six years and thousands of hours for me to come to the realization that my wife no longer loved me and was not attracted to me, nothing I could do would change that.

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