Reply to impact of Alcoholics Anonymous on marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been sober 31 years. The truth is that most marriages don't survive a spouse's alcoholism, even if they get sober. You married one person. Now they are getting sober and their personality and focus and habits HAVE to change for that to happen. It's best for your spouse and best for your kids, but it's usually not best for the marriage. This isn't what you signed up for. This isn't the person that you married.  There's lots of tension around things are changing now that the spouse is sober and is trying to be a better person and better parent.  You've been carrying the burden a long time and you're bound to resent that.  Your newly sober spouse has new friends and you're not included in that, and you're bound to resent THAT.  Your newly sober spouse is taking up a lot of time going to meetings, which is absolutely necessary, but you're left alone while they do that, and maybe you're parenting alone a lot of the time, and you resent THAT.

It usually doesn't work out.  If you're going to divorce, try to do as gracefully and low conflict as you can for your kids' sake. [/quote]

What you said is where I am at. Although he may be sober, he is still an absent parent and focuses so much of his attention to AA and his people that he barely has time for us. He is gone in the mornings and nights to the point that we can't do family dinners together or go to movies, events, etc. Once in a while, he will not attend an evening meeting but that is few and far between. I do resent THOSE. I am headed for divorce but waiting for our kid to finish high school. In the meantime, we barely talk and I'm doing my own thing with my child. This is what my son is going to remember; an absent father whom he needs now more than ever as a teenage boy.

I didn't sign up for a husband who now prioritizes EVERYTHING around AA meetings. Our marriage is so far in the back seat that I can't even see the back of his head![/quote]

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