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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Trying to understand a situation in our family and would appreciate perspective, especially from those who’ve seen similar dynamics.

DH has always had a complicated relationship with his mom. There’s a long pattern of DARVO behavior from her. Historically he’s tolerated it. Recently, she crossed a line by disrespecting me in a way that was clearly intended to manipulate him. He told her they were done unless she could take accountability, apologize, and make it right.

It’s been a year today. No holidays, no visits. DH has siblings but our kids are her only grandkids. From the outside, it feels like she’s choosing being “right” (or being the victim) over having a relationship with her son and grandchildren. I genuinely don’t understand that mindset. If you care about your family, wouldn’t you at least attempt repair?

For those who’ve experienced something similar: what drives this? Pride? Control? Something else? I’m trying to make sense of it.[/quote]

If someone has gone no contact with you for a year, they just don’t want a relationship with you.  They don’t enjoy your company. They enjoy their life more without you than with you. They remember the recent time spent with you as an obligation, frustrating, uncomfortable or anger provoking. It doesn’t matter at all who was right or wrong they simply don’t want to be with you. They aren’t sentimental or nostalgic enough to keep pretending.[/quote]

I don't think this is always true. My mil enjoyed being around family but she would make herself miserable if she didn't have complete control over her children's decisions. She loses her mind and can not function if she doesn't pick who you marry, where you marry etc. Also she told me many a time she hated having children. She didn't want anything to do with them unless they were perfect angels. When it comes down to it, she really doesn't like children but was never allowed to consider not having a brood. They look like such a cute family on the outside but if you knew about the abuse...[/quote]

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