Reply to Is it normal not to love your elderly parent who is not abusive or mean?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course it is normal, your feeling towards him and the relationship you have with him is the direct reflection of what kind of relationship he had with you.  If he was an ok dad who just provided material things to you but never was close to you, then of course you would feel similar way towards him - fulfilling a duty, but no love.

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What’s strange is that he was pretty present and I adored him as a child. It started shifting when I was a young adult or an older teen and realized that he is not very competent in everyday things and is scared of the world, and he couldn’t be my rock anymore. It may have been childish or me and I thought I got over it since then, but now I am having a second disappointment in him as a person. I don’t want to harp on him but he just isn’t someone I can respect, and it’s not all old age, it’s the way he always was. I just didn’t realize it before. 
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I feel this way about my mom. My dad shielded us from so much, but once he was gone, I realized that she’s actually not a nice person. Very selfish and doesn’t care about anyone but herself. Makes it very hard to like her. [/quote]

Yes! We had a complicated family dynamic that way. My mom was “the boss” and my childhood was about feeling bad for my dad being “exploited” by her. Then I started to realize how he is somewhat of a man child and how hard it is to live with him. Then again my mom was always pretty mean to me so I guess I was hoping that at least my dad was a decent guy. Turns out he isn’t? 
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