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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m talking about emotionally detaching and reducing effort in the marriage to the bare minimum.  I’m burnt out from a full-time job and being the default parent. At the end of the day, my kids, clients, and husband take everything I have to give, leaving nothing for me.  I’m sick of all his “work” conferences, dinners, and pleasure trips while I’m breaking my back at work and at home.  I’m just done.  He adds no value to my life anymore.   I’m calendaring my own solo bucket-list trips this year.  [b]I’m not communicating with him outside of necessary parenting.[/b] I’m dropping the rope on anything related to his family.   I’m investing my time and income in myself, my kids, and my friendships.  He gets nothing from me. How long can this last? Long enough to finish raising kids? I won’t exactly be sad if it leads to divorce, so fear of divorce is not motivating me to keep trying.  [/quote]

Genuine question - do you not think that is going to lead to tension for your kids? I can't imagine my children not being acutely aware of their dad and I not talking, not being affectionate, etc. They would suss out immediately if we were doing this (and they have once pointed out that there was tension when they walked downstairs and we were in the middle of a disagreement - no yelling or anything, but we were very annoyed with each other). [/quote]

Right!

It’s wild that people think living like this for 5-10 years is somehow healthier for their children than divorce. Why teach them that their mom will tolerate anything their dad dishes out? Wow, really punishing him with the minimal communication. He truly gives no fcks. 
This only hurts
OP. If there’s no road to repair, just cut the losses already. [/quote]

Valid, but then see the other post:

[quote]The other side of it: I was left by a checked-out DH who decided he cared about his career more than anything else. But then he went after custody even though he had zero interest in parenting. My kids would have been better with everyone under one roof and tension and one checked-out parent rather than having to be ignored and fend for themselves 40% of the time at their father’s house.

A tense household is better than spending half the remainder of your childhood never getting to school or activities on time, being ignored at home, waking yourself up and scrambling for clean clothes and packed lunch supplies because your father “had an early meeting” ever day that week, and wondering if that’s the day you’ll get picked up from soccer or will have to once again beg a ride from another parent.[/quote]

You can't always cut your losses.  Some of them linger long after a divorce.  [b]For some of us, our kids' suffering is our suffering. [/b]
[/quote]

Not the PP but are you trying to imply that some posters wouldn't care about their kids' suffering? I think the point is that the dynamic OP has described sounds awful for kids. Might it be better than the alternative? Sometimes, sure. But OP seemed to act like she was making the decision to do what she is because of her own suffering, no mention of her kids. So just to be clear, it seems like OP is the one who doesn't care about her kids' suffering, not the ones bringing up the effects of living with tension. [/quote]

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