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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thinking back, are there any red flags when you were dating? Lessons we could pass along to our sons and daughters.[/quote]

Yes.

We met in professional school. He relied on the structure of professional school socializing for a life outside of studying. He wasn’t proactive socially and took advantage of the effort of others. Same in situations like study groups or cooperative projects. He was mild-mannered and nice so people didn’t question it, me included.

Big procrastinator about anything that wasn’t fun after we graduated but were still dating. There was always something work-related that took precedent but it was sort of ok because we were hustling to build our careers. He relied on a future provider image to cover the fact that he was a taker or just lazy in the present.

Kind of mean about money in a way that was confusing. Would spend generously on friends’ wedding presents, group trips, public gifts for family. But was nickel and dime-y about splitting expenses even when we had a difference in salaries or even if I had been more generous about a previous expense.

And this is embarrassing, but selfish in bed. I took it as assertive at first and thought I just needed to communicate my needs more or something. Or that we were still getting to know what we each needed. That selfishness was indicative of literally everything that happened later.[/quote]

[b]I don’t know that I would have seen any of this as red flags other than maybe being selfish in bed.[/b]  But I can see how you could easily interpret that as a lack of communication.  [/quote]

Seriously? The sex thing was the only flag you found?

"He wasn’t proactive socially"
"[He] took advantage of the effort of others." 
"Same in situations like study groups or cooperative projects."
"Big procrastinator about anything that wasn’t fun after we graduated"
"There was always something work-related that took precedent"
"He relied on a future provider image to cover the fact that he was a taker or just lazy in the present"
"Kind of mean about money in a way that was confusing. Would spend generously on friends... But was nickel and dime-y about splitting expenses even when we had"

I would not even consider adopting a dog with this person. 
[/quote]

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