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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.[/quote]

These are the garbage men like my exDH who pushed me out of the workforce because his salary made mine “pointless” and he didn’t want to do his share of parenting and wanted me to pick it up because he “was on track for seven figures”.

Well guess what? Two weeks before he hit seven figures, he served me divorce papers. Assets divide in divorce, [b]income doesn’t[/b].

Don’t let a manipulative man scheme to get you to carry his share and drop your salary. It’s a ploy that only benefits him.[/quote]

Wouldn't the lower earning spouse get alimony?

I'm a DH but I'm sympathetic to women wanting to stay in the labor force. But if the husband is making high income and the wife still wants to work, hiring outside help seems like a better solution. Trying to do it all or getting mad that DH who works 60-80 hours a week and earns mid to high six figures doesn't have energy to do laundry seems pointless.[/quote]

Different poster.  In terms of the housework, it really isn’t about the laundry.  It’s about empathy.

If the guy working 60-80 hours a week  recognized that his wife was doing all of the things, told her that he didn’t want her to be exhausted because it isn’t healthy, and they got on care.com and Craigslist and worked together to hire a housekeeper 3-5 days a week, then that would help.  If she just hires the housekeeper on her own and manages that person, it still feels *to her* like she’s handling everything.  
I mean, you can imagine a guy who works 80 hours a week and feels bad that he isn’t home more vs a guy who feels that he has the most important job and feels that he shouldn’t have to do anything at home.

And when it comes to parenting kids it’s that kids need their other parent.  The OP is one person.  She has gaps in her knowledge and skills when it comes to raising kids.  We all do.  Ideally, the other parent would be another layer of Swiss cheese, and stacked on top of one another it would reduce the gaps.  Instead, most of the time he’s not there at all, and when he is, instead of layering on top and jumping in to systems already in place, he keeps taking bites out of the other person’s cheese! wanting more for himself, and making the holes even bigger.

I get that part of what makes these guys great at their jobs is this belief that he can do anything.  These are those guys that, in the movies, defy the odds and succeed despite the naysayers.  But they also need to recognize reality and see where they are falling short.   If you are working 80 hours a week, you are not doing things that need to be done with the house and the kids because you aren’t physically present to do them.

Going back to the housekeeper.  If these guys can recognize that they are letting their family down in some way, make peace with that, and take steps to rectify the situation, and hiring a housekeeper or the wife working less is part of that, then great.  If he isn’t willing to admit that he is failing at home, and the narrative is that he is doing his part but that his wife can’t hack it, then hiring help isn’t going to help the marriage.

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