Reply to Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Update: we are both undergoing home observations and the kids had to do theirs at their dad’s last week. Apparently he hadn’t changed or added anything. The kids were asked to give a house tour. One of them tried to show off the cool sink in the downstairs bathroom but hit the pantry and hall closet first, oops.

They got upstairs and the person conducting the observation questioned them when the youngest said “actually we don’t know which rooms are ours or if we have rooms”. Not sure what the response to that was or how the house was assessed.

I think that ultimately I’m being scrutinized closely and expected to have everything just-right at my house, and STBX is being given credit for having a house with a roof. Lesson learned.

Kids were disappointed because they thought that maybe they would have rooms all filled up with surprises in time for the observation like some kind of sad divorce HGTV show.[/quote]

For the kids sake. You could have helped.  This is pure cruel to the kids.  Both of you are the problem.  [/quote]

Thanks for your input but it’s pretty hard to help a man who can’t even respond to a simple message of whether or not he wants to see his kids. If I’m going to push and use an attorney’s assistance to get communication from him it’s going to be about whether he is available to see our children next week, not about whether a bedroom theme should be Harry Potter or Hello Kitty.[/quote]

Do a set schedule.  Why all the drama?[/quote]

DP. OP has not explained all the details of the divorce proceedings. It sounds like they are both taking maximalist positions instead of offering reasonable schedules. Not to say this is necessarily OP’s fault but I wonder what would happen if she offered something reasonable like 2 nights/week. Strongly suspect a guy like her ex would take it. OP may not be able to let go and accept he will get significant custody though. I have seen this happen - a woman fighting tooth and nail for years now and the dad likely going to end up with something she could have offered him on day 1 that he would have taken. She is convinced he is a bad father and will take any small incident to prove it (despite the fact that her kids are VERY challenging so it’s pretty much assured that there will be issues). She truly believed that she could change her ex via the court system, and when that did not work, that she could just get full custody. From my perspective this has just greatly dragged out the kids’ adjustment and obviously destroyed any ability to coparent well. He was a sh*t partner but a good dad (albeit with different parenting values from her). [/quote]

She’s not trying to change him, she’s setting him up to fail to get full custody and no contact.  Child support goes by time share.  No visits, more money.  It’s not about the kids or her needs.  If the rooms are stressing the kids, she’d help to make them more comfortable.  She’s setting it up for everyone to fail not caring about the trauma it’s causing for the kids as she’s rationalizing it as he’s bad and unworthy.  No matter what, he is still the kids dad and the behavior from the parents has a long term impact on the kids.  [/quote]

She cannot force the dad to furnish their rooms AND her LAWYER told her to stay out of it. I think you are very confused about what happens in a divorce. [/quote]

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