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[quote=Anonymous]This happened to me. My sister and I went on a trip together and had (or at least I thought we had) a great time. She moved out of state and I got engaged. She was in my wedding a few months later and then just ghosted me. At one point when I tried reaching out again she had disconnected her cell phone. She cut off my, my sister and my parents. Like we had a great time July 4th and I was cut off by Christmas.

It was shocking, but over time I realized it really wasn’t. The truth is she got a raw deal with my family. My dad became an alcoholic when I was 16 and she was 11. She had a lot more time in the house with his nonsense (and my enablement). Even when he wasn’t an alcoholic, my dad valued his kids for how we made him look good. Because he is ridiculous, she was never as valued as I (or my other sister) was. I’m sure this was very hard for her.

She also actually inherited some of the worst traits from my dad. She has difficulty seeing other people’s perspectives. She can make up some crazy lies. She is the person who always had some insane roommate situation and it was always their fault (even though she was the common denominator).

This had been like 20 years. She got back in touch with my parents after about 5 years. They helped her buy her house and she needed their help with a fairly significant surgery. At some point (I don’t even know when at this point), I ended up with her new number. My other sister and I now have a very limited texting relationship with her. She did invite us to her wedding years ago and we went. I text her happy birthday. We text things like “dad is in the hospital.”  She showed up for my mom’s funeral and my dad’s second marriage, but barely spoke to us. I assume the next time I see her will be my dad’s funeral.

She seems happy with her new husband. And it seems like she became very close with his family. I’m happy for her, because I know our family wasn’t a happy place for her (me either, but I handle it differently). I want nothing but the best for her even if that isn’t us being close. She recently updated us about a significant financial issue and I sent a large gift card. I did not get any response from her.

I always think the “they are jealous” line is a cop out. The truth is there are things about my life she might be jealous of, but I now have a kid with profound disabilities and the other kid had cancer — I’ve had some major things go wrong. I do think that my dad’s very messed up stuff of how he valued his kids contributed to all of this. But I don’t think I ever devalued her. I just think that it was a dynamic that involved many players, and our relationship got blown up along with a lot of other things.

I want good things for her. I wish we could laugh and hang out like we used to. I wish we could bond over the ridiculous terribleness of our dad (I certainly do with my mother sister). But that apparently isn’t good for her or what she wants.[/quote]

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