Reply to DD meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, we are both REALLY worried

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I, too, am more concerned by your daughter’s cruelty to those around her. There’s a time and place for brutal honesty, and a first impression with her person’s parents is certainly not it. Tell her to do better, and caution her to exercise restraint. Here’s a fun exercise. If DD would say it to her grandparents, then by all means encourage her to belt it out. If not, clam up.[/quote]
OP here. You make some good points, I have tried to encourage her to avoid brutal honesty and unkind language but as parents we can only do so much, right? As for the grandparents: I would love that idea except I don’t think it be helpful in this particular situation because when she’s around her grandparents let’s just say she REALLY lets looose.[/quote]

I don't understand why you don't like honesty.[/quote]

Don't be obtuse. Everyone likes honesty. But "brutal honesty" is often just cruelty under the guise of "I'm just being honest." Not everything needs to be said out loud.[/quote]

If the grandparents are loving people who are not problematic, I don't understand why OP doesn't pull up DD short and let her know that speaking disrespectfully in a way that upsets them is unacceptable and won't be tolerated.    This should have happen years ago.  Instead, OP figuratively shrugs and casually observes that her daughter "REALLY let's loose" when she's around grandparents.  That is such gross behavior, OP.  You have done your child no favors in allowing her to grow up this way.  It isn't "honesty" to habitually in a way that will hurt or upset old people who love you, it is cruel and really uncouth, and people are going to be judging your daughter (and you, for raising her this way) for a long time to come.  You have handicapped her, in a way, with your obtuse lenience, and now she's an adult whose behavior is going to alienate others and burn professional bridges.  You really messed up as a parent.[/quote]

No, old people don't get to spout hateful, racist, and sexist things just because they haven't had the common decency to die yet. They should get called out in the strongest ways possible and be ostracized by family and friends until they change their ways.[/quote]

How are you planning to develop such common decency to die early? [/quote]

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