Reply to Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most men want a soft woman. Fit, feminine, friendly. Cooperative instead of competitive at home. They don't want a spreadsheet with arms and legs barking orders off the clock. They want a warm human being with empathy and kindness who can put her work away. A good man really doesn't care about your money, because it isn't his money. He knows that his money would be your money but your money wouldn't be his mone in a marriage. So when you talk about your money, it means absolutely nothing to him. He views your career as an impediment to spending real time together, not as a positive selling point.[/quote]

This is so transactional.  It’s all about the man, and wanting her to provide emotional labor without any obligation to reciprocate.  She must be feminine, soft, caring, agreeable, and orbit around him.  There’s nothing about him caring for her, or being interested in her as a person.  Nothing about being curious about her inner life, what makes her tick, and how she spends her days, which for many women is their career.  She’s only there to make him feel good and build him up.

And that’s the crux of the issue OP raised.  Society expects men to put career first and women to put men (and children) first. Who’s putting women first?

OP’s career isn’t a liability.  On the contrary, it serves as a filter to screen out men who want her to make herself smaller so they can feel bigger.[/quote]

OP here. PP, thank you for your insightful post. I agree, it should not be too much to ask of my partner to be interested in what makes me tick, beyond the comfort and companionship that I can and am willing to provide him.[/quote]

It's fine that you're defining yourself by your professional accomplishments. It's a very DC thing to do. But what you don't appear to be hearing is other people generally don't care or are not impressed. Ironically, these are not the things that make you an interesting person. They're just your job. [/quote]

What you’re not hearing is that many/most in DC actually do care - and I don’t care what kind of job you have, work is a huge part of life. So yes I expect to hear about it. [/quote]

I mean, you do you. But, no. Most people don't care about what someone else does for work. [/quote]
DP. Who do you know who doesn't care what someone they're dating does for work? Their financial situation and career, or lack thereof, will affect you tremendously if you end up in a relationship with them. What are you even accomplishing by lying about this?[/quote]

Other than the fact you can pay your general living expenses men don't care, and don't want to talk about the daily goings on of your job.[/quote]
A man who doesn't want to hear about where you spend most of your time is a man who sees you as an appendage. You might be okay with that, but OP has made it clear she's not.[/quote]

I’m a woman who is not very interested in hearing about anyone else’s TPS reports. And trust me, it’s all TPS reports. Do you guys share this level of work detail with your same-sex friends? I don’t. Who wants to talk about work when there are so many other things to talk about. Maybe that’s it - some of you have nothing else to talk about. [/quote]

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