Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?[/quote]
Lol, found one. [/quote]

Found one what? What the hell are you on about? It's like you think people get what you mean or something.[/quote]

Different PP and we do,  a lot of us REAAALLLLYY do and If you don’t, well… maybe you are one of the type A?

Speaking of, this post struck me because I recognized some of my own tendencies which was both scary and a good wake up call. I went to a posh business school and was surrounded by this dynamic, and I am a somewhat type A with very doting parents. I insulated myself from this mostly by choosing the right career (mission driven) the right husband (think tank and ngo do gooder type), the right neighborhood (hippy ish community).

But sometimes I think I bring that vibe in a group. I am competitive, I like to improve/grow, I am constantly looking for things to work on/learn for myself and my family. It brings me happiness. Which means I also set goals, talk about it, want to enroll my friends in it with me. I thought I was active and energetic and that wanting to help my friends was positive. But I can see how it can be perceived as trying to insert myself in their lives and give too much advice as well as add a competitive / one upping vibe to our group. I also like to have a tight knit group of friends, I don’t like a lot of friendly but superficial relationships. I like to be part of an identifiable crew. Which again can be part of a cliquish tone.

Long story short: your post made me realize that I need to be careful and contain some of my impulses. I think some of my friends think like you and I am not reading them well enough. [/quote]

It's good you are being introspective. But I want to gently suggest that you can't resist it. Because even in this post, you make a point of saying "well I was in danger of becoming like this but then I made ALL the right choices, married the correct man, went into the best job, and chose the perfect neighborhood and friend group.

You can't help it. You are a Type A perfectionist, your parents convinced you of your infallibility, you are accustomed to everyone fawning over everything you do, and you have a deep undercurrent of competition and superiority. You don't give advice to help others, you do it to assert your superior knowledge and understanding of the way the world works. And, conveniently, the world is structured to reaffirm this belief about yourself.

You 100% have friends who think you are a nosy know-it-all who got lucky with the family she was born to and the resources she was given in life, but thinks her success was based on her inherent goodness and that qualifies her to tell other people how to live.

Some of your friends haven't figured this out yet and are trying to take your advice and follow your lead. They will run into obstacles when they discover that your life cannot be achieved via your "tips" but only via being born into it, and they will then start to resent you.

Changing you would require you to let go of the notion that what you have is earned (it mostly isn't) or even that it's all inherently worthwhile (a lot of it is just status signaling designed to ensure people in higher classes stay there and can distinguish themselves from the masses). Which you won't do, because your current outlook benefits you enormously.

But I guess good job on being sort of self aware about it.[/quote]

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