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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the thing that’s difficult about these types of asks is 1) there is often not a lot of notice so there’s a bit of a scramble if you don’t have a green shirt (have to not only buy one but buy one that will arrive on time which limits the options) and 2) these things are on top of the million things you have to do already and they tend to cluster around busy times of the year. My husband works more than I do so I don’t mind doing *more* of this stuff but I don’t appreciate having to *always* be the one who finds time to do the extra things.

I try and do what I can to keep the day to day stuff reasonable so I can add on these extra things without being flustered. But it means things like celebrating my kid’s December birthday in January and not doing some of the magic making for Christmas that some people are able to do (it’s also the busy season at my work). And even still it’s sometimes a lot and I wish I didn’t have to be up ordering a shirt once the kids are finally asleep. I can only imagine how nice it would be if when that random email came in I didn’t even think about it and knew my DH would take care of it. I can’t do that because he just won’t if he feels too busy. He is ok disappointing the kids in a way I am not. I have tried it enough times to know that.

And the Greek chorus of “it’s your fault because you knew what he was doing like when you married him” can just shut up because no I didn’t. We both worked all the time, and I had multiple periods of having a more challenging workload and we just powered through kind of surviving. Someone had to change when we had [b]kids[/b] but I changed a whole heck of a lot more. [/quote]

You have multiple children? Your spouse was co-equal with one child, but not more?

What was the family planning discussion like when you discussed having more than one child, where he was a co-equal parent?

[/quote]

The family planning discussion after our first was that I was unwilling to do it all and have a second so I was one and done unless he made some changes. He agreed (I think he intellectually agrees that our split should be more equal) and left his intensive job for one with better hours and did much better for about a year at which time I agreed to have a second child. We had about 6 good months with number 2 (he took his maximum allowed paternity leave and was completely off) and then he started to become dissatisfied with his work. A short time after that he decided he “had to leave” his family friendly job and “the only jobs available” were along the lines of the one I objected to in the first place with zero work life boundaries. I vehemently argued against ALL of this and basically begged him to stay at his current job but I had no more leverage because he only wanted two kids. It has been impossible to argue with because he just says he couldn’t stay and is completely unwilling to do shift his career at all so the options in that narrow definition of his career are relatively limited. So now I make it work. I love my second kid and can’t regret them but this is NOT what I agreed to. I will never know if this is what he planned all along. I don’t actually think so but who knows.

I know other women who have similar stories. It’s more common than you think. [/quote]

PP I believe this is very common, and its why I think women should consider single parenting, if at all.[/quote]

You are wrong. Either OP's DH is the exception or OP is lying. People don't pretend with children for a whole year. It's complete BS.[/quote]

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