Reply to Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband works a pretty demanding job and has to hustle before holidays to make up work when, like for Thanksgiving, his office will be closed Thursday and Friday. On the other hand, I don’t work most holiday weeks. Because of that, I do the majority of the preparation for hosting. This year we hosted ILs. I spend the week before planning menus and making dinner reservations, the weekend shopping with DH for most of the food, Monday and Tuesday cleaning the house and preparing for guests, and running out for last minute things. I also did 50% of the cooking, serving, refilling of glasses, making sure toilet paper was stocked and trashed bags not overflowing, etc.

On Friday, MIL started in on a topic and then attempted to start a debate she knew would upset DH, and then got really upset when he shut her down. Before she left on Saturday, she let him (and by extension me) know that she has never felt like she is welcome in our home. I was gobsmacked but DH attempted to placate her before they left.

We are supposed to host them again for Christmas and I don’t think I want to anymore, after that comment. I think the comment was more to hurt DH, and they didn’t think of the implications it meant for me, who they know does the bulk of the planning and preparation for their visit, not to mention the hospitality. To say they have never felt welcome here is a smack in the face, and I told DH as much. I’m calmer now and have had time to think and yeah, I don’t want them in my house again this month, and no, a forced apology won’t help.

Am I out of line? I’m going to speak to DH tonight based off of what you all think.[/quote]

Order food. Don't cook. If your husband's demanding job cannot pay for it, he should find a less demanding job and cook for his parents.

The issue with holidays is people over stretch themselves. If you don't like cooking, rder out. If you cant afford to order out, make 1 dish only and buy some pies.

If you don't like cleaning, you and your husband can clean one room a week for 5 weeks ( that is 10 rooms)  and your guests should be able to manage a cleaning house. Or you can pay for cleaners with the money from your husband's demanding job.

I enjoy hosting because I don't cook anything. I order a lot of food. I spend about 12 hours deep cleaning my house because I LOVE cleaning, and my house stays clean after the guests are gone. So cleaning is more for my benefit than theirs. Holidays just keep me from procrastinating cleaning.[/quote]

I order food and have a cleaner, and do not take on the primary role of hosting my in-laws. They are DHs parents, and if he invites them, they are his guests to manage.  Happy to help out if he asks for something specific (like, "Can you pick up the grocery order on your way home"), or I'll do the dishes if he wants to cook for them.  But otherwise, I DGAF.  His parents are his responsibility.  He doesn't get to use work as an excuse to get out of hosing his own parents. [/quote]

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