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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You make some good points but, in the same spirit of honesty, if the Counselor is, "the very person in the school building whose JOB it is to understand the age group of the students, understand school dynamics, social dynamics, and know the classroom dynamics too (because some teachers manage this better than others)," then shouldn't they know about what's going on before the parents do?    [/quote]

That's a really good question. If you go back to OP's original post and the posts after that describing the behaviors, and then you imagine a busy school, ask yourself how much of how the girls are treating her would be obviously visible to a counselor who is definitely moving around in the hallways, in the lunch room, in wherever they do recess or outdoor time, yes they're usually moving around (when they're not having actual meetings with students and parents and teachers, which obviously also takes up a ton of their time).

How visible do you think OP's DD's dynamics with her friends are?

In a lot of cases depending on the dynamics it's way more likely a teacher will notice before the counselor, because if a student looks upset or there's a verbal exchange that is loud enough and happens repeatedly that the teacher hears and finds concerning, it'll be the teacher who is with the students for however long class is, they have longer to notice.  And teachers who aren't struggling just to stay on task and deliver the lesson may notice and check in with the student who looks upset or starts acting differently than they usually do, but obviously there is a lot going on before, during and after class, so if it doesn't rise to level of an outright violation of school rules (like disrupting class or saying really inappropriate things or physical exchanges), a teacher may not check in.  But also some teachers tell the counselor, or some teachers check in with the child first and then tell the counselor.

But just like in all other areas of life, if the behavior that is the problem isn't very visible and noticeable on its face, even the best counselors are not always going to notice it in a busy school.  But you know what they do notice and most teachers notice?  They notice who sits together, who sits alone. They notice who's always disrupting class or being disrespectful.  They notice which students are always making fun of others, and which students are always making fun of.  And where there are serious mean things that happen when most people don't notice, ONLY if someone (the victim, or someone observing) tells a teacher or a counselor will a teacher or a counselor know.  Counselors know who they get repeated complaints about.  Counselors will know which students are struggling if they go to the counselor and tell them what's going on.

Because counselors are the point people for helping students struggling in ways other than with classwork, they and the Principals are usually the people who know the most about what is happening. And the counselors are the people most walking the school paying attention to dynamics and stand out students (for good or bad reasons). But it's still impossible for them to notice everything or know about verbal, non-obvious dynamics like leaving someone out of conversations or lunches etc.  And, depending on the school, some schools have so many major problems or so many kids acting up, the counselor is busy with the most challenging situations and even more it falls on students or families to let them know what's going on with their student.

No matter how you cut it though, counselors and your kid's teachers are always going to be the people who know the most because they have the most exposure and parents, kids and others report most to those people.

Going back to OP's post, imagine yourself in a normal busy school, how much do you think the behaviors OP's DD are going through are going to stand out to anyone in the midst of all else that's going on?  That's a sincere question for you, I'm interested in what you think would be very visible so that the responsibility for noticing or knowing might fall on a teacher or counselor, vs. the importance of raising these issues with them so they now CAN pay closer attention or maybe they already have plenty of advice for navigating it?[/quote]

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