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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?[/quote]

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said.  These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll.  It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along.  That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.[/quote]

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad. [/quote]

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD?  Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out?  You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group?  Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?[/quote]

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group. [/quote]

I don't know where your DD was in school, what school it was, or what their SOP's are for things like this (Standard Operating Procedures), but I can tell you that professionally, if a parent comes to a counselor at the school confidentially and explains the concerns but says clearly up front that the parent just wants advice for her daughter, not for anything to be said to the students, unless the students are literally physically or very publicly hurting the DD, most schools will talk to the relevant teachers and then talk to the parent again, or encourage the parent to meet with teachers.

Given what the original behaviors are that OP stated, I can't think of a legit counselor who would talk to the "friends" even if the parent said they didn't want them to.  Also, a parent can always go in and say they have a situation but they don't want to name specific students yet, they really just want advice on what the counselor recommends.

These are all things parents can do that - again, barring physical or very public highly problematic behavior - can keep OP's questions to a counselor confidential.

What exactly did you say and who did you talk to at your DD's school PP? And what behaviors did you share?  (This is anonymous and obviously any highly unique details, like "They made her wear a Darth Vader mask for a week" type of unusual specifics, you don't have to share.

So PP, what exactly did you tell your kid's counselor, what were the behaviors you reported, did you ask that the counselor keep it confidential, when did the counselor tell you they were telling the other girls, what was the counselor's role (there are a few different types), and what exactly did they do after?[/quote]

And this is why people say DON'T go to the counselor.[/quote]

What are you referencing above, what is why people allegedly say don't go to the counselor?[/quote]

What am I referencing?  The tone and content

Why do people actually (not allegedly) suggest not going to the counselor?  Because they end up making the situation worse.[/quote]

If you can't explain how or why it makes the situation worse, then your comments really don't mean anything.  What about the tone or content actually lead to seeking advice from a counselor making things worse for the student being left out? Explain what you mean, if you can't, it's because you literally aren't talking facts.[/quote]

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