Reply to Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?

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Reply to "Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow that’s awful, especially if you introduced her to the friends. I’m sorry, OP. If other mutual friends ask why you weren’t there I would just be honest and say you weren’t invited and had no idea it was happening.
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+1 OP, I hope you told your friends who asked that you weren't invited. If they wonder if it was an oversight, then tell them no she even called me a few days before and asked me what my pans were for this weekend. Don't cover for her.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Your friend sounds like a manipulative user. What a weirdo to invite brand new friends to her small anniversary party, especially while leaving out the longer term friends - including the one who introduced her to the new friends. Then she calls you and asks you about your weekend! What a hostile move. [b]She's excluding you then trying to find out if you know about the party and also trying to keep you friendly and neutralized while she makes this power play to usurp you. 
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You should evaluate friends too, not just hope you get a good evaluation from them. She does not merit a good evaluation from you. You already know that she's a social climber, so she never deserved to be trusted. Don't say anything to her about this. She'll use it against you. Don't reach out to her. If she reaches out to you, then wait a little while before responding with something short and non-committal. Make plans with your friends without her.

Your friends who she invited did nothing wrong. They merely accepted an invitation to a party that they assumed you were also invited too. Keep up the friendships with them. Don't let some jerk make you feel shamed into retreating.

In the future, don't introduce groups of friends to each other. That way you have other people to do stuff with if things get rocky with one friend or group. Also start evaluating people and determining whether they meet your standards. It's ok to put people in the "friendly acquaintance" bucket and not get too close if you see negative signs. [/quote]

OP here. Damn. That could be it. She probably wanted to find out if I knew about the party since she had invited my other friends.

When I was invited to casual potluck events over the years, she asked me to introduce her to another friend who was hosting a lot and I did and she became part of that group. I didn't think it was a big deal because she was my friend too.

Now she got her way into my only other friends' group and excludes me, tries to find out if I know.

Thank you for opening my eyes. I'm done with my pity party and I think I deserve better. At least I know where I stand and even if it is difficult for me, will slowly have to find new friends since I don't know how long the friendship with the ones I introduced to her is going to last. They seem to like her. It's going to be difficult but this downward spiral and feeling like I'm not worth it isn't going to help me.

Thinking on it, she always expected me to listen when she was upset, sad but if I was worried about something she used to say said those kind of topics make her upset and never let me vent. I guess I was just the sounding board all the time. I always let it slide. Argh. I shouldn't nitpick now.

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PP here. OP, standing ovation here for you for recognizing this so quickly and starting to plan how to move on. Now you see how she's a user so you'll be more attuned to people like this next time.

Just see how it goes with the friends you introduced her to. Sometimes people like this burn through groups and are always on the hunt for new friends, which is why she needed to take your friends. She may cycle through them too.

I'm sorry to hear how she worked her way into both friend groups. It sounds premeditated. Give yourself permission to protect yourself. You don't need to help other people at your own expense. You don't need anyone who expects that.

It's not easy making new friends, but just start with some sort of regular meet up like a class, volunteering, or a book club. That will give you some purpose and familiar faces while everything is sorting out. Try making individual friends instead of groups. Group dynamics frequently end up like this. And definitely keep friends separate and don't share too many details about stuff you're doing with other friends.

We're rooting for you![/quote]

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