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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did he wash the pot or just empty it and.leqve for you to wash?[/quote]

He didn’t throw out the bones and meat. Just threw out all the stock. He probably thought I was just boiling the meat to eat. And he was not awake during the hours I was working on the stock so I don’t think he realized it was stock.

I managed to salvage it by just reboiling everything. The meat is way overcooked but still edible. So I feel better that it didn’t all just go to waste.

Maybe I do get a little territorial with food I’m preparing. I don’t like my husband coming in and “helping” and I’ve told him that. Because he just does things without asking, assumes things, and it inevitably ends in some miscommunication between us. And often, when I say one thing, he somehow hears it as the exact opposite thing. At first I thought it was intentional but I realized it’s like some sort of verbal dyslexia. It’s led to lots of fights. [/quote]

OP, please stop bending over backwards and finding diagnoses and ways to apologize for his abusive behavior. This is what he wants you to do.

I am begging you as someone on the other side of this to quietly start doing the following:

-get the password and login to every account, and I mean down to cable bills and highway tolls and stupid stuff like that
-get the balances to every bank, checking, 401k, etc account you have and start following the closely
-how old are your kids? If you had to leave tomorrow, could you buy a house where they could live or qualify for a mortgage? 
-do you have a support network? And by this, I mean if there is a parenting evaluation during a divorce process, are there people in your life who can vouch for you, and what kind of people are in DH’s life?

If you have access to cash of your own and can spare $1500, I would feel better if  you could very quietly do 3 consults with 3 different divorce attorneys just to understand your options. It doesn’t commit you to anything. You would be surprised by how much legal advice and clarity you can get in 60 minutes.

Finally, get therapists for you and the kids. This is important not only for mental health, but from a cynical perspective if your DH initiates divorce or if you do, and if there is any challenge about custody or mental health (and he sounds crazy, so he’ll make it high conflict), and established outside record of what’s been going on will really help you.

-been there, sorry you’re there, too  [/quote]

Op here. I sincerely don’t think this is an abusive relationship.  We have had many past issues but have come very far.

By way of background, we both had abusive childhoods, so there was a lot of work we needed to do. I got therapy and that helped a lot.  We both had verbally and physically abusive fathers, mine was ultra controlling, paranoid, and selfish, his was an uncontrolled rager with impossible standards. I have an emotionally stunted mom who also is very controlling and needed me to be perfect and he had an emotionally ambivalent mom who had a personality disorder who needed them all to be sick. He has siblings that have had serious mental breakdowns. He is definitely the golden child, the only one that didn’t cause any “trouble”. The beginning of our relationship was rocky.

We do have communication issues which have slowly improved.

A lot of what’s been mentioned here- yeah much of that resonates and have even contemplated divorce at our lowest points, but we’ve kinda moved past most of it. 75 percent there.

I have more confidence now. I’ve learned to emotionally regulate so much better. I’ve learned to set boundaries. All things I’ve deeply struggled with for most of my life.

The one thing that was holding me back was my inability to forgive. I held onto resentment from our earlier years in our relationship. But he is a different person today. And I have to believe he still has the capacity to change, just like I can.

The resentment - it was a trap that kept us stuck in the past. I’m trying to move forward. [/quote]

Anything else Op? [/quote]

What do you want to know?[/quote]

NP. I’d like to know why you’re on DCUM all day and night and half of this thread’s posts. Total BS. [/quote]

Turning to DCUM because I can’t talk to people I know about this. And because afterwards, I felt very destabilized and questioning my own reality of how things happened.  It’s very upsetting. I need a third party objective view. In reality, DCUM is a mixed bag, between 2 extremes. The fellow gaslighters who say I’m either making stuff up or that it’s all my fault and the other extreme of the spouse is abusive and you need to get out. It just requires a bit of teasing out the more grounded responses, but it is helpful for me in the end. [/quote]

Cool story. Tell it to a therapist, and when you do, be honest. You've been sockpuppeting all over this thread and it reeks of troll.[/quote]

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