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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I play pickleball, the H are not there.
I dine out, the H are not there
I vacation with friends, the H are not there
Most my friends are wealthy.

Men slow down faster than women even men of the same age. They will go to a 4th of july party or maybe superbowl sunday. But week by week, they are not doing anything together.

Also, my most happy friend's H just got a new job with a bad commute and she is encouraging him to buy a condo close to work so he doesn't have to deal with traffic on his work in the office day.. they have money to burn... his response "that would make you happy wouldn't it"... wait she is thinking of you. This is "happy: when you empty nest.[/quote]

You keep making blanket statements about how all couples are, what all couples do, and now about how men are as they age. My earlier post was meant to point out that your experience, although expressed as an absolute universal one, is definitely not. You just clearly have a different kind of friend group than my spouse and I do - we have seven different couples that we vacation with every year, four from the DMV, and none of them have the kind of (crappy) relationship you describe. I’m sorry all those women are not in fulfilling relationships, but it’s pretty unlikely that in each case it’s the husband’s problem (I’m a woman, btw).[/quote]

You are lucky/blessed/picked a good partner.  How many of your happily married friends have had to work through significant life events or conflicts, like infidelity, the death of a child, bankruptcy, addiction, blended family situations, etc?  How many have significant value conflicts over money, religion, sex, parenting, or family of origin issues?  I feel like marriage is sooo hard, and the ones that make it share some key commonalities, including foremost shared values, but also, many come from high-functioning families, where their parents modeled a good marriage for them.  [/quote]

You’re talking to somebody who has friends that clearly don't feel comfortable sharing their real life with her. She probably just has acquaintances and calls them friends. [/quote]

I wonder if your friends really share with you their unhappiness or you are extrapolating.  I know someone who also claimed that all the marriages she knew were unhappy.  What was really going on, her friends were sharing with her some tidbits of their lives, and she concluded that they must be suffering terribly because if it were happening in HER relationship, SHE would suffer forever.  Needless to say, she had wildly unrealistic expectations as far as relationships go.[/quote]

We are friends we’ve been sharing the ups and downs of life for decades. I didn’t say my friends were suffering. I said they don’t hang out with your husband’s. Everybody’s extremely happy about this by the way.

Most of the suffering happens when the kids are at home and everything’s crazy.

Now it’s just quiet. They do their thing their husband’s does his thing. [/quote]

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