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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also think it’s a vibe thing. Like if someone comes up and is friendly and compliments and quickly wants to know where I got something, I’m happy to share. Among actual friends this type of interaction usually organically results in an exchange of recommendations, or a sharing of stories or problems they’re trying to solve and it feels collaborative.

But recently I was at a botanical garden with newish friends and our toddlers, and one woman complimented my necklace a bunch of times, asked to know the brand, pulled out her phone, had me spell the brand name multiple times so she could go to the designer’s website and find the exact necklace on the spot. She then started yelling about the dollar amount of it to everyone else, showing her phone to another mom next to her (it’s small and subtle - not some crazy expensive TikTok luxury thing). Then she demanded to know the brand of my sweater and[b] literally reached in and turned the collar of it outward[/b] to examine the label and look that up too.

Another newish friend after a party at our house for our toddler, grilled me rapid-fire on multiple details about things in our home, where we got them, what they cost etc. I had actually locked and/or obviously blocked off some of the private spaces in my house beforehand because I didn’t want toddlers wandering around knocking over office papers etc but I was also anticipating that she would try to peek in and that it would make me uncomfortable, since the only other time she’d been over, she wandered all over our upstairs unannounced, at a time we had houseguests. And don’t you know it she was moving decorations to peer into rooms and jiggling the door handles of the ones that were locked, while I was apologizing that I had done all this for the party that had ended an hour and a half ago.

I’ve always been a sharer but these two instances have made me pause. To these women, being forthcoming w info seemed to invite further entitlement to answers about additional items in a way that felt invasive and icky, like I/my home was being inspected so that they could gather up a mental list, while really disrespecting my personal space. I get that it’s probably some form of flattery at heart but it was uncomfortable and certainly didn’t feel like any compliment.

It’s made me start to think about how I might have been able to effectively shut down their questioning before I got to the point where I felt better just cutting the first woman off completely, and deciding never to have the second one over again—I was too caught off guard at the time both times to hold to whatever boundary would match my comfort level.

I’m starting to think that maybe, unless the answer is how I’m excited that I got the thing at a totally lame place for a super cheap price (“$20 from Amazon, can you believe it!?”) , I won’t answer these types of questions unless they are a stranger (bc those are limited-time/contact situations that are brief) or until someone is a close friend. But also none of my close friends would have approached wanting to know about all of the things in quite the same way. I think some of this comes from TikTok culture where it’s accepted to go up to an anonymous stranger, and ask them to name the brand name of every item of clothing / every accessory on their person while filming them.[/quote]

Why would you permit her to do this? I would have stepped away, saying politely, "could you please not do that?" or similar. [/quote]

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