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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.[/quote]

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.[/quote]

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.[/quote]

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.
[/quote]

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In the meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.[/quote]

Actually, your argument is overly intellectual. You argue about the good of society. Well, this is about one child, who was bullied so badly she had to leave camp. This is about her feelings, not some greater good argument.

BTW, why is always the victim who has to leave?[/quote]

The victim wants to live in society, too. Bullying is painful because it ostracizes and isolates. You're actually claiming that allowing that is healthier than an actual interaction with the perpetrator which is on different ground and could be healing. Isolate at all costs!! Not a healthy approach.

Why do you think human beings invented the apology?[/quote]

Could be healing? What if it isn’t? Why would you take away the victim’s power by making them interact with the bully? Especially children who already feel they have to do what they are told by adults, whether they want to or not.

Punish the bully. Don’t re-victimize the victim.

If you must place the bully and society at large above the victim, have the bully write a letter and then give the victim choice whether to read it.
 [/quote]

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