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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She should immediately write a letter of apology to the girl she bullied. Or call her or text her, whatever. It is important that she apologize profusely to that girl and tell her how wrong she was.[/quote]

No, it is actually important that she not speak to that girl unless the girl herself requests some kind of reconciliation.

The apology you are talking about is a punishment for OP's daughter, not any kind of repair with the girl who was bullied.

I support an essay of some kind reflecting on what was wrong about the situation and what OP's daughter should have done / should do if she's in the situation again, but all these suggestions about contacting the girl who was bullied or her parents directly are tonedeaf. If your bully daughter called my traumatized child to apologize, I'd have a pretty hard time not telling her to take her bully friends' terrible advice and hanging up, and I'd absolutely wonder what kind of parent allows a bully to call their victim with a pretend apology.[/quote]

I'm sorry, but it's important to say you're sorry, like it or not, sincere or not. OF COURSE she has to apologize.[/quote]

Maybe it would be good for the bully to apologize. But in this situation, the bully is not as important as the victim. The victim’s feelings and mental well-being have top priority. You don’t impose an apology - esp if it might be insincere - on the victim. That is victimizing them again. It’s selfish.

The bully needs to find another way to feel better about themselves.
[/quote]

This is way too intellectual. In our society people apologize for wrongdoing. That's what we do. It takes years of practice, which is why we force children to do it. Hopefully by the time they're adults they do it with sincerity. In they meantime, they do it because they have to. The flip side of the coin is learning to accept an apology. Without those two things, there is no hope for society.[/quote]

DP - When my child’s bully wrote out the apology it basically said “I’m sorry but you made me do it.” The counselor approved it. It did not make my child feed better at all. So, who benefits from these apologies? I told that counselor to never come near my child again.[/quote]

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