Reply to Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have good relationships with my grown kids, my parents, and my sibling.

In a family populated by mature adults who how to get along and where parents don't (or aren't perceived to) play favorites and no one is seething with resentment or looking for opportunities to be offended, mom goes to visit the child who just had a baby. The birthday party goes on without her, and she visits the birthday child at the next possible opportunity. The young birthday child takes no offense because it is explained in a no-big-deal way, and even exciting because when grandma comes, there will be a second celebration. Parent of birthday kid takes no offense because a newborn and her parents take precedent over the birthday party of a young child, unless there is reason to think, God forbid, that the young child won't have another birthday. [/quote]

This is of course the correct answer but doesn’t seem to be possible in this family. [/quote]

The answer is to go to the party you promised the young child  you'd go to and find a way to visit the newborn either before or after.  Grandma not showing up after she promised she'd go doesn't just get explained away that is something that stays with a kid no matter how much the mature adults read ( emotion suppressors and gaslighters) try to pretend  the child doesn't fell hurt or shame them for feeling hurt.[/quote]

How you are proposing grandma act here is how you end up with spoiled brats. It is very important that children learn that their birthday parties are not the most important thing in the world. The kids that don’t learn that lesson turn out to be adults that expect the world to revolve around them. 
[b]
“I’m sorry, Larla, but your baby cousin was born and Grandma needs to go help them. That’s a really important thing for her to do, so she can’t come to your party. She’ll do something special with you another time.”

A child who can’t hear that message and accept it gracefully is a child who is being extremely badly raise[/b][b]d. [/quote]

This is emotional abuse and manipulation.

This is a child who will grow up learning that their feelings don't matter. That someone else is always more important. That it's their duty to  to manage everyone else feelings particular adults.[/quote]

This is not a normal response for kids being raised in normal, loving families, which you obviously were not, and that is sad. I'm sorry. [/quote]

Yeah, that PP is clearly insane. It is of course perfectly reasonable to explain to a child that a guest won’t be there at her birthday party because her cousin was born. [/quote]

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