Reply to PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas

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Reply to "PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

The problem with this scenario (both of them) is that it becomes normal to always be "just the nuclear family"--and one day you won't be part of that.  Then you'll be spending Christmas along while your kids do what you grew up doing, and what they grew up with.  That's fine if that's what you want, but many of us do not.[/quote]

We have to get used to the fact that a nuclear family indeed dissolves. You cannot force yourself on your kids' nuclear families. You may need to find other things to do, the same as some do Friendsgiving etc. Christmas is for kids and everybody else should be mature enough to have a more holistic approach. Spending it alone is a time to reflect and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of people spend holidays alone. [/quote]

But what you are describing was not normal a couple of decades ago.  And is still not normal for many families.  It’s a choice.[/quote]

Yes, it was my mother’s choice to never seek therapy, set boundaries and distance herself from her physically and emotionally abusive father. It was her choice to allow him to be abusive to me and my siblings, and to say hateful things including racist, homophobic and misogynistic remarks in her home, in front of her children. It was her choice to kowtow to him and to use her children as pawns to try to win his love and curry his favor. It was her choice to continue the cycle of abuse by physically and emotionally abusing me and my siblings.

And it is my choice not to do or allow any of that, and to keep her at a distance. It was my choice to stop the cycle. It is my choice not to allow her to ever be alone with my children. That’s my choice. [/quote]

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