Reply to If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?

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Reply to "If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am skeptical of people who call themselves the scapegoat. My sibling would call themselves the scapegoat (my other sibling is probably the golden child), but they are very difficult, demanding, attention-seeking and also mean. There are probably occurrences of totally innocent children made to be scapegoats, but IME, if your family frequently has issues with you, there is a good chance you are contributing to the problem.[/quote]
My father had his dad die in a place crash when he was an infant and was coddled his entire childhood because of that loss.  Everything was always "poor Bobby." When I was born, despite being planned, he was super jealous that I took my mother's attention from him. He was used to always being the center of everyone's universe and that stopped being true when I was born.  About 5 years later when my brother was born he was a bit more mature and happy to have an athletic son instead of a bookish girl.

I didn't know any of this until high school when my mom spilled that she couldn't leave me with my father when I was an infant because he'd just leave me in my crib, close the door and let me scream while he did whatever he wanted.  He couldn't be bothered to feed me, hold me or change me.  He felt threatened if my mother cared for me.  I was disliked from birth.  My brother was adored from birth.

My golden child younger brother grew up to be an abuser and physically abused me, with the knowledge and consent of my parents, and then went on to physically and sexually abuse my youngest sister (a surprise baby my father also didn't want).  He was a failure to launch case and struggled to support himself.  In his 40s he has a minimum wage job as a technician.

I'm a classic over achiever who did everything to try to get my parents to love me.  I have spent years trying to be perfect.  I have a great life, job and kids, but my parents still don't like me.  Well, they like to brag about me and take credit for my accomplishments, but can't be bothered to treat me with any kindness.[/quote]
If you want an example of the ongoing favoritism, my brother got married a year ago.  My parents rented a house for the whole family to stay in during the wedding weekend.  It was a 5 bedroom house for 12 people.  My disfavored youngest sister, her boyfriend, me, my husband and my two kids (ages 5 and 7) were all assigned to one room, while everyone else was 1-2 people per bedroom.  Yes, that 6 people in a single, small room, including a 35 yo boyfriend who we'd only met once before. If I'd known the bedroom assignments, I wouldn't have agreed to stay there, but those were sprung on me after we got there and it was a holiday weekend with no other last minute options.

It's just one stupid example, but it's always like this.  [/quote]

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