Reply to Is this an American mom thing or specific to my kids school?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Is this an American mom thing or specific to my kids school?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Haven’t read everything, but in my experience British culture is a lot more accepting of negative emotionality (and much less accepting of positivity or anything that seems of bragging). I do think there’s a degree to which it is just social awkwardness of misfiring, but I think there’s a cultural component as well. [/quote]

op - it's so interesting you say that because i have zero tolerance for bragging and struggle with how much it happens here. I've actually talked about this in therapy because I find it so triggering and it wasn't really an issue back in the UK because it's much less socially common (it obviously does happen but it's not as endemic). I do encounter people here of course who have a lot of humility despite having things to brag about, especially among people with really high social eq, but it's wild to me how many people straight up show off or tolerate this behavior. It's to me so antisocial and alienating and I'm unclear how you would forge a friendship with a person who wants you to experience a negative emotion. [/quote]

PP and my totally amateur theory is it has to do with British class vs American class. Obviously class is real and exists in America as well as Britain, but it’s more flexible in the USA and also something you can sort of prove through for example by showing off. Whereas if you’re British you can’t become upper class or whatever by showing you have money or a good job, and it’s actually considered offensive (and disloyal) to try. I find the British approach charming in its own way but also sometimes baffling, and I don’t really think people should HIDE happiness either (which I feel can happen under British approach).

[/quote]

op - i think the difference is that in the uk you can't - as you say - buy class. [b]Class is determined by how you interact with others.[/b] To an extent that's true here, but the nuance of british class is different. 
Like the number one thing that you are taught at Eton or Rodean or wherever is humility, curiosity and empathy. How to intuit someone else's challenges, feelings and how to be respectful. Not respectful in the sense of like what fork to use or sayng stuff like 'ma'am' (never). But you are always when you speak to someone doing it in a way as to never try to seem 'better'. So if someone says 'I'm not very good at tennis'; even if you are amazing at tennis, if you are a brit, you'd say 'oh gosh I'm dreadful as well'. Whereas Americans might say 'oh i'm pretty good bc i practice a lot. Have you tried practicing more?' And the brit thinks 'what the actual f'. The brit is trying not to make the other person feel bad. So to the brit, the American by saying they ARE good and suggesting more practice is being super tone deaf. And hence the miscommunication. [/quote]

DP but that's 100% not what PP is talking about.  PP is talking about social classes, which are much more fixed in Britain, and you're talking about "classy behavior" which applies wherever (but, as this thread shows, is not identical behavior in every locale).  The idea of "classy behavior" can be applied to rich and poor, but your definition of constantly downplaying yourself no matter the situation is not seen as the height of class here.  Certainly bragging is rude but you seem extremely sensitive to it to the point that a person doing anything other than calling themselves and their kids dumbasses is a braggart.  That's not the standard here.  Going on and on about your kids' accomplishments is bragging, saying "she's so excited she made varsity" is not.  Name dropping in every conversation is bragging, saying "I'm still not over my jetlag" when you had an important work trip is not.  I don't want to have a conversation with someone new where my job frustrations come up and they commiserate about their terrible career trajectory only to find out they're on the short list for the Supreme Court, that's idiotic.  And if finding out that someone got a promotion at work makes a Brit feel badly because they aren't loving their job at the moment, that is not the same as the promoted person "bragging" to put them down.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics