Reply to Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am genuinely curious: if you are one of the posters who is offended by the notion of cover your plate or that there is any expectation to gift- what are you doing when you attend? Are you not gifting at all? [/quote]

I find the "cover your plate" thing tacky and was raised to believe that there is never an expectation of gift (I would probably find it odd if someone went to a wedding and gave nothing, though). Wedding registries were created by all couples when I was at the age where a lot of my friends were marrying (90s-early 00s), and you would put plenty of really inexpensive things on there on purpose so that people could spend a small amount on a gift if that fit their budget/sensibility. In my (WASPy, wealthy, midwestern) community, there was no expectation to cover a plate, or even to give an expensive gift if you were wealthy. I'll add here though, that back then parents paid for the wedding, and in my community there was plenty of money for that. Young couples were not paying for the wedding -- so there was less financial stress caused. Less financial stress caused = less of a situation where couples are taking the potential amount they will get in gifts into consideration when they are setting a budget for their reception (I find that a dumb thing to do, but people do it).

What am I doing when I attend a wedding now? For young couples, I am giving cash -- because nowadays that is what people want, and it is the norm. $300-500 for friends, $500-$1000 for the niece/nephew situation. The last wedding we attended was a second marriage, later in life, and we got them something off their registry that cost about $125 and they loved it and were thrilled; it's good to just take all facts and circumstances into consideration -- I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have even been comfortable with a big check. Whereas a young niece/nephew would look at that gift from that registry and roll their eyes and wonder why we didn't send a big check. Cultural norms are shifting around all of this. Mainly, I think, because couples are paying for their own wedding, and weddings aren't getting any cheaper.

Also, fwiw, although I grew up with wealthy grandparents, friends, etc, my DH and I are UMC at best, and we eloped as we had no desire to spend a lot of money on a wedding. (I married later, and my parents were no longer with us to pay, although they paid for my sibling's wedding.) We expected no gifts, and didn't get many, but a coworker I was only acquainted a little bit with showed up to work after my wedding with a beautiful card for me with a $25 Starbucks gift card in it because I'm always arriving at work with a Starbucks drink -- I'll never forget it and it meant a lot to me that she thought of me. It was probably my favorite wedding gift. Everything is context. [/quote]

Weddings in some parts of US are broke dick bare bones crap.

In parts of county you go to some shack of a church and on basement some coffee and cake served. Even “rich” people in places like Ohio at crappy country club of bride with a cash bar.

I got one gift that was not cash my wedding some vase I needed like a whole in my head. The couple were multimillionaires and me and wife had combined $110k a year in one and living in a one bedroom apt. No receipt either was a used vase. They are $200 worth of food and drink and handed me a vase not even in a box! I googled it and was junk like $20 bucks.

I went to one wedding couple also making what I made had $200 a person wedding. But I had money by then. I gave them $1,000 to cover some deadbeats [/quote]

Many of the “crappy” weddings are a ton of fun…why would you spend $200 a head when you clearly couldn’t afford it.

All these comments make me less likely to “cover my plate” because the couple will likely overspend and mismanage their finances.[/quote]

Societal expectation! The wedding industrial complex! It sounds absurd. There really is not this hidden gem of a sub $200 option for a traditional wedding in a HCOL area. Anyone who has planned a wedding in the last two years will tell you that. But to then deliberately “punish” the couple who invited you by limiting your gift? That’s ridiculous. [/quote]

So, don’t do a traditional wedding.

I believe Gen Z is pushing back against the wedding industrial complex…but we will see.
[/quote]

I sure hope so! The amount of money some people are spending on weddings is just stupid. And, for what? To impress distant relatives or acquaintances on Instagram? I’m glad DH and I got married pre-social media. We had one of those “tacky” church weddings and basement receptions you disdain. All-in, ours was less than 5K for 100 people. We’ve been married 20 years.
I’ve been to expensive weddings where the marriage lasted less than a year. In fact, I think the happiest marriages are often the couples who spent the least on their weddings. They care less about impressing other people and more about the commitment to each other. [/quote]

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