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[quote=Anonymous]it's fine to want your kids to reach the their potential whatever that is. The issue with focusing on "top schools" is that it's actually pretty narrow and and often parents who want this just generically want "success" for their kids and don't think very expansively about what that could mean. And what this does is set kids up for failure because if they don't fit this fairly narrow definition of successful then they have lost.

I am someone who went to top schools and pursued a career in a prestigious field (law) and ultimately my "success" became like an albatross hanging around my neck. I was doing work that wasn't that interesting and I didn't enjoy that much for a lot of money and a lot of "oh wow you work there -- that's impressive." But it felt empty and just wasn't for me. I made two let turns and don't work in the law or even something law adjacent anymore. I make a lot less money but am more fulfilled and have much better work life balance (and mental health). I look of the years I spent pursuing my degrees and then working in that field as lost opportunities -- those degrees were expensive and time consuming and I could have done a lot with that money and time.

And that's why I think focusing on "top schools" is a mistake. For my own kid we talk about the kind of work they want to do and what is fulfilling to them (working outside and being in nature and also being able to be solitary) and what makes them happy (music and being at home and reading) and we will work from there. They might go to a prestigious college or something more niche. It might come down to the kind of place they want to be or the kind of people they want to be around. And success might mean a lot of things but they will have to define that for themselves.

And that's why wanting your kids to go to "top schools" doesn't make sense. It's too specific while also being to vague. It is not a way to build a life. A good life might travel through one of those schools but it's a means to an end.[/quote]

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