Reply to My wife thinks I need to see a therapist, I think I'm aware of my problems

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The point of therapy is not to make you more aware of your issues, it's to help find strategies to address them and not just have your family be a dumping ground for them. Grow up, find a therapist and stop being ok with being a jerk to your wife and kids, even if you know you're being one.[/quote]

Yeah, but I’m not okay with being a jerk to them and when I am, I’m aware of it and try not to do it. I guess that’s the thing I’m asking - why is there an assumption that I’m okay with anything and what is a therapist going to tell me, a mildly self aware person with a sense of right and wrong, is not going to already know?[/quote]

Because if you've not figured out a way to get your kids out of the house without losing your shit, then you don't know or if you do, you've not actually figured out how to actually do it. So get some help and accept that you've not sorted it out[/quote]

People who say getting kids out of the house in the morning is not stressful and something you can easily lose your cool over are liars. The question is WHY are they lying? Maybe therapy would help them?[/quote]
In my case, I made the decision -long before having kids- that I would never yell at or lose patience with my children. Just took it right off the menu of potential responses to the stress of parenting. I married a like minded dh and we have older teens now. Neither of us has ever yelled at, hit or lost our patience with the kids -and they were challenging af for a variety of reasons. We now have kids who are able to regulate their emotions, who feel secure and loved and who woukd do anything we ask of them. Conversly, my dh and I both suffered profound neglect and abuse in childhood. One of us had therapy, the other hasn't felt a need from it. We've both been excellent parents, if I so say so myself.[/quote]

I flatly don’t believe you’ve never lost your patience with your children.[/quote]
I have lost patience, but I walked away. I promise you I never took my stuff out on my kids. Even as a child, I knew I didn't deserve the treatment I was subjected to. My peaceful, loving approach to child rearing was born out of a need to prove it could be done. A feel immense pride that i was not only able to break the cycle of abuse, I was able to raise them extremely well. I didn't do it alone. Dh was on board with not only not abusing or otherwise belittling our kids, but to give them the childhood we and every child deserves. There have been challenges, but we have stuck to our values and goals. It is amazingly easy to be loving and patient when you continue to suffer from childhood wounds and would do anything to spare your child that type of disability and pain.[/quote]

Did you achieve all this with therapy?[/quote]
I had 4 years of therapy in my 20's. I had my children in my 30's.[/quote]

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