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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cost benefit. Depends how invested they are in their careers, how deeply involved the mother wants to be in their children’s lives. Even if you have a flexible wfh job, you will still not be able to spend as much time with DCs as a SAH. I like to spend my time in each aspect with my kids (tutoring, [b]making sure they’re high achievers in school and activities[/b], taking my time to make them healthy meals, etc) and pass on everything I know to them, so SAH works. Others need a job to be fulfilled so their choice works for them. I personally think my mode of SAH confers more advantage for my kids, but to each their own.[/quote]

This is actually the #1 reason I choose to work. I could quit tomorrow and we would be just fine financially, but then I would be tempted to make my children my new "project". Better to model high achievement than to snowplow your way to it.[/quote]

For you maybe.

I have a longer range perspective as an older GenX who runs in the professionally elite circles of Ward 3. [b]The kids whose mom took some time off when they were young — say 0-8 — are more impressive as a cohort, generally. Smarter,  better personalities, more poise.  [/b]

Having a low-education nanny for years, then Lord of the Flies aftercare, has a more durable and negative impact on the youngest minds than striver parents care to admit.

And we all went back to work or resumed full time. Medicine, law, nonprofit and corporate real estate.  [/quote]

I think you have a vested interest in maintaining this point of view.[/quote]

I think I watched these kids grow up, because they all attended the same private preschools then k-12 in NWDC. This is not a parenting group that uses daycare fwiw, because it’s not really available around here. We aren’t feds who can use their daycares, snd there isn’t a Bright Horizons on every corner

Anyway, it’s just common sense that having a primary caretaker during 85% of your 0-4 waking hours will yield different outcomes when the caretaker is functionally illiterate with a 3rd grade education vs. a graduate degree from an elite school.  Not talking about kindness and safety considerations.

To OP, the doctor in our group dropped back to one day/ week for several years, then ramped back up when kids basically needed just an afternoon driver. The lawyers went of counsel or similar. The WaPo editor dropped to a very part time mommy track job temporarily. Some just quit altogether for a few years. [/quote]

Why do you assume every nanny is an illiterate person with no education?! I had two nannies for my children when they were 0-5 years old. Both were American girls, with college educations. They weren’t  Ivy League level schools or anything like that but my children’s nannies were far from illiterate! [/quote]

Exactly and why is a mom better equip than someone who actually has a degree in early childhood education? I’m educated but not in that! I wouldnt know how to handle my 2 year old at home- she was way better off with people who knew how to entertain her / teach her with age appropriate lessons at preschool.[/quote]

This is truly an insane argument. By all means use childcare to enable you to keep working but the idea that it is not possible to care for a young child unless you have a degree in early childhood education is absolute nonsense. First off I will take a nanny with years of practical experience raising her own kids and caring for other people's kids over a fresh graduate of a ECE program any day and so will most other sane parents. Because you don't learn how to take care of children by reading books. But also a nanny is only with kids 8-10 hours a day. You still have to "handle" your 2 year old at home unless you intend to never be alone with your child until the nanny has properly gotten them through the difficult phases. Do you intend to never spend an evening or weekend with your kids without the nanny or never go on vacation without the nanny? That's bonkers.

Also (and again this is not an argument for all women to be sahms which I don't believe in anyway) but there ARE things that parents offer kids that paid caregivers absolutely cannot give them. Children need to develop love and trust and rapport with their actual parents and not just with a nanny or other caregiver. And moms don't need degrees in ECE to provide it. You just love your kid and care for them and if you make some mistakes with logistics like potty training or sleep training it is honestly not that big of a deal compared to not providing your child with a loving and supportive home environment where they know they are welcome and safe. [b]There is no replacement for that and it does not require special training.[/b][/quote]

Considering the number of parents who end up doing this incorrectly, maybe it would be better if they received special training. It's not like just because you have a baby you magically know how to raise it.[/quote]

DP but there’s a wide divide between the kids who get put in special ed because their parent was unaware of expectations going into kindergarten and spent all their days at the park and pool, and kids who are in special ed because they don’t see their parent 21 out of 24 hours of the day. “Special training” for parents is not going to affect the kids at the bottom, because those parents just don’t care. [/quote]

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