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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know I know I should be grateful he is healthy and reasonably good looking , and he actually reads for pleasure, and tries to eat healthy. However, this is about all of his accomplishments.

He is just so perfectly average, at least for our area, that it hurts. I was a good student, top of the class, elementary through college. I didn’t live in such a competitive area with great talent but still. I don’t earn a ton of money, nor do I have a high powered job, but I am quite often the smartest in the room, [b]I know what I want and I usually achieve whatever I put my mind to. He, however, is always somewhere in the middle of the pack. [/b]

He is bright but I think he lacks focus and motivation. He also isn’t super likeable or charming, more on the shy side (also not like me).

I will never ever show my disappointment to him but I just feel very sad sometimes. They had an award ceremony at school today and a kid whom I knew as very average had a 4.0 GPA, while my kid has a 2.9. He also didn’t get a single award in any subject or area. It’s middle school but still.

That is all. I don’t think there’s anything to do about it but I wanted to get it off my chest. [/quote]

Hi OP. I could relate to some of your post . . . I was always the smartest (or one of) growing up, without really trying (though I was intrinsically motivated and naturally curious). And so that shaped how I view myself. Life has thrown me some curveballs; I have a chronic illness that has forced me to be a forever-SAHM, and that experience made me shed some of the protective layers I wrapped myself in. Well, I'm not a runner/athlete anymore. I'm not a teacher anymore. I don't bring in any income, and most of the time I can't even cook or keep the house straight. So who or what exactly am I? Do I even exist? I had to really examine the myth that achievement equals worth. It wasn't easy.

Though on the flip side, I do have high achieving kids. My older DD is pretty much always the smartest in the room; teachers say she is way above the other "smart kids." She's off to a governor's school next year. Her youngest sister is "normal smart person," I think? She actually is probably smarter than I give her credit for, as she's inevitably (and unfairly) compared to her sister. That's my challenge to navigate.

My sister is even higher achieving than I was, and her husband is too, and yet all of their kids are very average. She used to joke that one of her kids wasn't going to go to college (he's still in high school so time will tell . . . but he always seeks out his teachers for extra help and works hard to get average grades). I've never been like, "Hey, your kids seem dumber than mine, want to talk about it?" so IDK how she really feels, but she seems pretty content to accept them for who they are.

High intelligence is just an accident of genetics and chance. It's a privilege and an advantage, but we did nothing to gain it, and we can't help if we don't have it. This is an opportunity for you to learn this lesson, over and over, in each moment that you choose to focus on the positive and accept what can't be changed.

The truth is that our kids have so many advantages; the vast majority of them are going to be just fine. Do you get a medal if you go to Harvard and become an astrophysicist or make bank on Wall Street? Well, I guess, if that's what floats your boat. But why can't teaching community college float your boat?

We all feel anxiety about giving our kids enough resources and skills to leave the nest; it's programmed into our DNA. I suggest you think through all the "What Ifs." What if he goes to a state school that's not highly ranked? Then what? Instant homelessness? No, he'll probably be just fine. We have so much more than almost every human being who's ever lived; how much more do we need? IME, we find the most peace in the simple things . . . celebrating the seasons with the people we love. We can do that with a wide variety of incomes and degrees.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your vent, OP. It's very normal to expect that our children's experiences will be like ours. As parents, we do this away from our kids for their sakes.[/quote]

This is a really sweet post, not the OP, but I appropriate your thoughtful response [/quote]

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