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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm amazed at all the nastiness.  Email, call or text her asking what she'll eat and incorporate it into meals.  Simple and done.  Get her a few non-stick pans just for her at home goods, marshalls or walmart.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Aluminum-7-9-11-Non-Stick-Skillet-Pack-3-Piece/55322858?athbdg=L1103&from=/search[/quote]

Let me guess: you've never had to deal with long-term dysfunction or are completely co-dependent.

It would be one thing if the sister's food preferences were simply limited to no dairy, red meat or bread: grilling some chicken and veggies along with the burger and hotdogs would be an easy, no hassle accommodation. But since this person has a serious ED, we can infer that, reading between the lines, she would refuse to eat anything cooked on the same grill as the meats or drizzled with olive oil to prevent it from sticking or burning. Also because of the oils, easy, conventional sides such as pasta salad and potato salad would be a no-go. And to top everything off, unlike healthy people who, having stringent food restrictions, would do as much as possible not to inconvenience a host who will be cooking for 14 other people, [b]the sister would not only insist upon taking up and time and space in the kitchen but also would leave a huge mess for the OP to clean up. [/b]So on behalf of intelligent, reasonable people with healthy boundaries everywhere, the answer to the OP's parents' requests is hell no. It sucks for the sister that she's mentally ill, but it's an explanation, not an excuse. 
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So you agree that you would have a salad and grill some protein, assuming that was something that worked for sister?

Also, why not HAVE A CONVERSATION with both sister and parents in advance about needing them to clean up any extra mess, and then sticking to it at the time?  Jumping right to "NO I will not have any food prepared for you/ger to eat and no you cannot prepae any food that you will eat" seems like it is at a minimum skipping several steps.[/quote]

PP, you're asking very reasonable questions. But that's precisely the problem: what makes perfect sense when all communicants are psychologically and emotionally healthy unfortunately doesn't work and often makes things worse when one party (sister and co-dependent parents) is not. I can pretty much guarantee that the OP can't initiate such conversations because they quickly descend into defensiveness ("I always clean up/she always cleans up" from the sister/parents) and/or gaslighting ("why can't you be accommodating for once?"). That the parents already called with requests knowing that the OP would be hosting and cooking for 14 people tells us everything we need to know about their co-dependency. Similarly, and again, dollars to donuts, what the sister perceives as reasonable accommodations when it comes to food are not anything of the sort (e.g. no oil on the grill; cleaning the grill completely after cooking burgers and hot dogs before cooking more chicken). 
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